Until you're mine
by fallenspringsummer
Summary: Seth finds himself imprinting on a photograph, but what happened to this girl?, Will he be able to ever find her? M for later chapters
1. old memories

**The original characters from the twilight saga belong to stephanie meyer. **

--

SPOV.

The attic was dusty, and way too dirty.

"Mom you got to be kiddin' me, do you really want to clean up this mess now?" My mom gave me that rare smile that I always hated. It said; you know that I want to do it now because I already told you. I sighted and gave up, I sat down and pulled the first box near. When I opened it, a mouse jumped out and ran away. "Great just great" I mumbled irritated.

"This really big wolf isn't afraid of a little mouse is he?" My mom teased, and I gave her a low growl back in return.I turned my attention on the old box again. It was filled with clothes and books. The clothes were half rotten and so were the books, a real case of a mouse problem. So I threw the whole box in the garbage can. I grabbed the next bag en cut through the plastic. A whole collection of plushies fell out.

"Aww Leah's plushie collection" My mom said while going back to her memories.

"Did Leah had a plushie collection?" I asked surprised, not knowing that my sister had such a soft side. My mom nodded, and I picked up a bear. His eyes were scratched out, and his arms and legs were ripped off. I took that soft side back, _totally_.

"Do you want to keep these?" I asked my mom and she nodded.

"Maybe we could give these to her kids someday" Poor kids, they probably will get nightmares from this plushies, but I packed them and threw them in the corner. Just 46 more to go, woohoo!. I was with bag number 25 when my mom suddenly let out a small sight, I stood up and walked towards her.

"What's up mom?"

"look your childhood pictures!" She said happily. I wasn't so happy with his because it meant hours and hours watching photo's. I was right because when we were finally done, and I wanted to go to bed my mom called me to the livingroom.

"Will you please help me out with sorting the pictures?" she asked with a smile.

"Can't you do that with Leah?" i asked a bit irritated. I didn't liked that sort of girl stuff.

"Ohh sure I'll ask her" my mom turned her eyes away this time when she spoke. I sighted and sat down next to her.

"ohh mom you know I don't mean it that way i'm just a little tired" She nodded and turned around so that she was facing me.

"i just hoped.. we could spent a little time together... you're always gone and patrolling, it's been so long since we did something together"

"okay mom"

I picked up the first photo, i picture of my and dad. It stung a little when I stared at it. My dad was swinging me up, and I was laughing. My mom and Leah were sitting on the couch both with a smile on their faces. we looked happy, we really did. Quickly I laid it down, passing on to a other one. I didn't wanted to think about dad, because it still hurts so much. I blinked twice forcing the tears away that were burning behind my eyes. I didn't wanted to cry in front of mom, she was already so insecure.. She tried to give us everything but she just couldn't and she found it really hard to accept that. She tried so hard.. I found her sometimes crying on the kitchentable, when I walked in she quickly wiped the tears away. She just wouldn't talk to me about it. No she couldn't talk to me about it, I was still her babyboy even though I was bigger then her, and almost 18. Shestill wanted to protect me, and do everything she could for me, not letting me see her hurt because I still needed to think she was invincible. well at least that was what she thought. It was only now that I noticed my mom was getting some grey hairs.. I bend over and kissed her cheek.

"I love you mom"

She smiled, and kissed me back.

"I love you too"

I picked up and other photograph, one of me making my first steps. I laid it on the table and picked up an other one, I watched my mom, who really seemed to enjoy this.

"Look at this!" She said happily and showed me a picture of me and a little girl, we stood hand in hand. All I could do was stare at that picture, every cell of my body was reaction to it. Even thought the picture turned yellow, I could still see she had beautiful blond hairs, and eyes green as young grass. I could almost imagine how it would feel to drown in them, how soft her hair would feel when I would run my fingers through it. Her ringing laugh would fill my ears, her warm lips on mine.. her hands in mine hands. She was soo perfect, just soo perfect. The way she smiled, was like an angel.

"Seth hunny what's wrong?" My mom ripped my out of my trance by shaking my shoulders. I blinked a few times and shook my head.

"it's nothing mom, it's just I think I just imprinted.." my confused voice told her. My mom's eyes got big, and seemed to plop out of her head. Slowly she glanced up to my face then to the photo and then back up to me again.

"You imprinted on a photograph?"

"No ofcourse not mom, I've imprinted on the girl on the photograph"

"I know" She said teasingly, and smirked widely. After that she gave me a huge hug, even though I was a werewolf and I had great strength this hug was really crushing.

"Mom pl-" I swallowed in my sentence and hugged her back.

"Ohh I'm really happy for you Seth!" She whispered in my ear, but her voice wasn't like normal.

"Mom are you crying?" I asked surprised. She shook her head so quickly it was way to obvious that she was lying. I laid my hand on her cheek and smiled.

"Could you tell me some more about her?" I asked pleading and used my puppy eyes. Nobody could resist my puppy eyes, except Leah, but she was just weird.

"about AJ, can't you remember then Seth?"

I shook my head, I really couldn't remember, somewhere it ringed a bell, but I just couldn't tell..

"well her real name is Allice nda Jessica Tonner, but we just called her AJ, because she hated it when you used her real name. She had quite some Attitude you know, but in the good way. She came her often, because she was living nearby. You were the closet friends, and where she was were you, and were you were she was. You were both very young at that time, I think she was about five or six, and you were seven or eight. She was really a cute girl you know, always very sweet and very polite, but unfortunately she moved away when Amy died, Amy was her mom and sam's younger sister."

"Is she one of us then?"

"I don't know, I didn't think so, because far as I know Amy couldn't change and Richard her dad was just a normal townman"

"Do you know anything more about her?" I begged, wanting to know everything about this mystery girl. But my mom shook her head.

"I'm afraid not Seth, To be honest I think Sam doesn't have any contact with her either.. She could be anywhere now.."

"I'll find her mom, for sure" I assured her.

"I'll go talk to Sam straight away!" I jumped of the couch but my mom grabbed my hand.

"I don't think so mister, you need some sleep"

I grinned and gave in, I was really tired. It could wait for a few hours more, because when I found her we would have forever.

I kissed my mom goodnight and walked upstairs. I took my shirt and pants off and got into my bed. That night I dreamed

about a long time ago, or maybe it was just my imagination.. I didn't cared really because it was great.

--

_I'm six now Seth, she showed me six fingers._

_"This are six fingers right?"_

_I stretched out my own little hand and started counting._

_"one"_

_"two"_

_"three"_

_"four"_

_"five"_

_"six"_

_She laughed,_

_"you already knew it were six fingers!"_

_I heard myself laugh now too,_

_"You know.. my daddy forgot about me.. since mommy died he doesn't have any time for me anymore, and when he comes home she can't walk anymore, and he's talking real funny"_

_"But I got a present for you!" I said and took her hand 'come on!.' We walked towards my house and my mom came out a swung AJ up in her arms._

_"There's the birthday girl" She smiled while AJ threw her arms around her neck._

_"Hello miss Clearwater, how are you today?" Her little cute voice asked my mom._

_"Ohh i'm fine, and what about you?"_

_"I'm okay miss clearwater thank you for asking" I already ran inside and took the little packige that I wrapped into giftpaper. I did it all by myself and I was quite proud of my work._

_"Look AJ, for you!" I got you a present, I did the gift paper all by myself!" She took the package really careful and slowly opened it. Two little hairclips with ladybugs came out. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open._

_"are they really for me?" She asked me with those beautiful big green eyes. I nodded and she clutched them in her fist and held them against her chest, against her heart._

_"Thank you so much!" She cried and putted them in her beautiful blond hairs._

_"I made you a cake AJ" my mom told her when she sat down on one knee, Her mouth fell open again._

_"A real cake?! for me!?" My mom nodded and AJ ran in,_

_"LEE-LEE-I'VE GOT A PRESENT AND A CAKE!"_

_"LEE-LEE!" I heard from the inside, I ran inside too and a younger version of leah walked in. She sat down and AJ climbed on her lap._

_"Did you hear that lee, a real present, and a cake!" My mom putted the cake on the table and lighted the candles. AJ blew them all out and after a few pieces of cake we decided that we were going to play outside again._

_"Thank you for everything miss clearwater, and you too leah"_

_We sat down in our treehouse. She could have the only chair because it was her birthday._

_"What did you wish?" I asked curious. But she shook her head, with that look that said; you know you can't ask that._

_"But i'm your best friend, you can tell me!" I protested._

_"Really, will it still come true then Seth?"_

_A bit guilty but still curious I nodded._

_"did you wish for your mommy?"_

_She shook her head again, causing her hairs to dance around her face._

_"No my mommy is in a better place now, she is happy there, "_

_"What did you wish then?" I asked even more curious, I really wanted to know what she wished._

_"I wished we could be friend forever"_

_"But we will be friend forever!" I shouted, she smiled and putted it out her pinky, i took it with mine._

**_"pinkypromise"_**

**_-- _**

**_did you like it, ? well then please review!  
_**


	2. new hope

**SPOV.**

When I opened my eyes and saw the alarmclock I got almost a heart attack. 15:00 pm?! With a loud sight I got out of bed, quickly showered and brushed my teeth and hairs. I needed to patrol in 10 minutes, and Sam wasn't in that patrol, crap, crap, crap. When I came down my mom was already gone, but Leah was sitting at the kitchentable.

"I heard from mom that you imprinted" She said without looking at me, she was still concentrating on her cornflakes.

"Yeah on Sam's niece.. "

"Well I hope for you that she won't run off with your cousin" She said bitter, her voice filled with hatred.

"Leah you know AJ won't do that" I said, because I needed to defent her, even though I didn't really knew her in person.. I just knew she wouldn't do that. She was my imprint right?.

"Yeah, Yeah" Leah replied bitter and walked out. Poor Leah, she was still upset about what happened with Sam. And she was really scared she would never imprint, or if she even could. She was also really scared that if she found someone, he would be scared of her when she told him she was a werewolf, because it's a bit weird if your girlfriend was much stronger than you are. I wished I could help her, because I missed the Leah from the old times, the leah who played games with me and laughed because of my silly jokes. I even missed how she gave me those lectures that I needed to do my best on school, or whatever. But I couldn't and now I needed to concentrate about AJ, so I took out my cellphone and dialed Jake's number.

"huh what's going on Seth?" He answered sleepy. He stopped calling me kid when I got even tall as he was, well he really stopped calling me kid after he caught me with a girl. Yeah I think that one came as a real surprise. I still needed to smile when I thought back to that moment, his face on that moment was the funniest thing I ever saw. Even thought the situation i was in was more embarrassing then his, I was the one who started to laugh. Never saw Lisa after that again..

"Jake I need a favour"

"Ohh sure, go ahead what do you need?"

"Can you take over my patrol for now?" I begged, hoping he wouldn't have any plans with Renesmee.

'give me the phone' I heard my best friend mumble on the background, and after a little fight she took the phone from jacob.

"Hi Seth, Sure jake will take over your patrol" She said while she let out a small grin. I heard jake protest on the background, I couldn't help myself and I started to laugh.

"Thanks Ness" I said still grinning and hung up the phone. Now I just needed to find Sam, and I just hoped he could help me. If he didn't had any contact with her I was screwed. I didn't knew where to look for her, she could be anywhere right now. I just needed a clue.. Because I needed to find her somehow. She was my reason for living..

It took me 15 minutes to get to Sam's house, even though I didn't came there often Emily still gave me a warm welcome every time I did come. She was feeling still guilty about the incident with leah and sam so many years ago, so she tried to make up for it everytime she saw her, or me. She made tea for me and brought hundred of cupcakes for me. I had to admit that I ate them all, but that was just because I didn't had any breakfast.

"Seth, Emily told me you wanted to talk to me?" I raised my head, When his eyes met mine he saw that spark . That spark you got after imprinting, after you find your purpose for living. Your eyes turn much brighter after that. I smiled my crooky smile and he sat down.

"On who?" He asked with a grin. He was happy for me, really happy, not that kind of happy you fake because you needed to be happy for someone. No Sam was truly happy for me.

"on your niece"

"My niece?"

"You mean AJ?"

I nodded, and I saw the frown between his eyes. It wasn't because sam didn't wanted AJ to end up with me, because he knew that I would never hurt her, or cheat on her. Imprinted people were the savest people where you could have a relationship with, because they never wanted to hurt the other person. So that frown meant he probably didn't know where she was.. I felt all my hope sink to my shoes.

"Do you know where she is?" I asked really soft, not wanting to face the answer to be honest.

"To be honest i don't know exactly, but I know they moved to port townsend," Port townsend wasn't really far from here.. I ran to the computer and searched for tonner's in port townsend. I found three, and Sam recognized the address, So we jumed in the car and drove towards Port townsend. when we were finally there I suddenly felt really nervous. I mean it's really weird when someone you never saw suddenly came to your house and tells you he's in love with you right?, Suddenly I didn't knew what to do. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest that I thought he was going to burst a hole in it and fall out. I immagined it and a light smile played on my lips, but it wasn't enough to take away this feeling..

" I don't know what to say!" I hissed towards Sam when he stopped the car, even though we drove for hours I was just daydreaming about kissing her and holding her. I hadn't planned anything!. Stupid Stupid Stupid. Sam made a face and stared to me, His eyes widened and I think he finally thought about how we needed to handle this.

"We can say that we just come to visit?" I raised. Sam just shrugged his shoulders and got out of the car.

"Sam what are you doing ?" I hissed, but he didn't responded even though I could swear he heard me. Asshole. i stepped out and sprinted after him, he already rang the doorbell when i was able to caught up. Sam glanced down on me with a light smile, i just growled in response. Great i was going to make a idiotic first impression. Guess we weren't going to tell our kids about how we first met. Jeez I was even blushing!, I never blushed. Not even when mom showed everyone baby nude pictures of me. I just laughed, but now.. Every cell in my body was tensed, I didn't knew what to do, how to stand, how to look like, not how to breathe..

"Jeez Seth calm down, just calm down" Sam mumbled, just right in time, because a second later the door opened. A tall blond man was standing in front off us.

"What do you want?" He spoke slowly, with a dubble tongue and he smelled like scotch. It didn't took a genious to see what was going on.. this man drunk way too much.

"Richard.." Sam spoke, taking the lead now.

"Can we come in, ?, I need to talk to you about something. " The man turned around and somehow reached the living room, which was quite impressing if you saw how he was walking. I exchanged a a glance with sam and walked in. I suddenly had a really bad feeling about this place. We followed him to the livingroom and a bit shyly we sat down on the couch.

"So what do you want?" He said while pouring more scotch in his mouth.

"Can we talk to your daughter for a second Richard?"

"I DON'T HAVE A DAUGHTER" he hissed back, which surprised me. He couldn't just forgot about AJ could he?, that was quite impossible.

"Richard don't play games with us, where is she?"

"I don't have a daughter, I already told you!"

"Sam.." I mumbled, when he caught my glance I pointed out to the ripped pictures on the wall. There were pictures of the whole family, but AJ was scratched out, or ripped off, guessing seeing the empty spaces. Richard stood up and walked towards the wall, he laid one hand on the nearest picture.

"She was soo beautiful, my Amy, my beautiful Amy" I Stood up and walked towards him.

"and what about this girl?" I softly touched the glass, reaching out to my dearest imprint.

"IT'S A MONSTER A CRUEL MONSTER, SHE IS A MONSTER, SHE ISN'T MY DAUGHTER" Richard eyes almost fell out of his head, and drewl landed on his dirty beard that was already filled with crumbs, it made me sick and i turned my eyes to his eyes again.

"Do you know where she is, I really need to find her"

"Why would you like to find her?, she should get killed, not found, she should be killed.. yeah maybe I should try to kill her.." He was mumbling against himself now, but it made me so mad. How could he ever say that?, why would he wanted to have her dead, she couldn't be a cruel person.. Could she?, I just couldn't believe that she would even hurt someone. I glanced over to sam, but I couldn't read his face, his face was totally emotionless..

"Richard tell us where she is" His cold voice cut through his mumbling.

"I don't know, maybe she is in hell, where she belongs" He replied even coldly as Sam.

"Seth we need to go" Sam's voice cut through the silence. I noticed he was shaking, and knowing sam I knew that he wasn't the best in controlling his anger. So I nodded and pulled him to the hallway. We walked outside and he inhaled deeply, it was only now that i noticed how disappointed I felt, how empty I still was. But I got no clues, no chance to find her.. I felt my own hands shaking now too. We walked to the car in silence, we got in and drove away way too hard.

"she is just a kid, how can he not take of her?" he spitted out. I was just thinking the same, he didn't even know where she was. It was the question who was the cruel monster there.. Sam almost crushed the steering wheel, and I wondered if it was better if I would drive, but I wasn't in a better condition so I decided I would just let sam drive. We drove in silence for a while, before sam finally spoke again.

"We need to find her Seth, we need to find her, I just can't let her leave her to faith."

"We are going to find her Sam" i tried to convince sam, but I couldn't even convince myself. I was really scared that we would never find her. Maybe she was lying somewhere on the streets, crying, freezing to death.. Or maybe she was hanging out with the wrong kind of people who were abusing her. Horrible thoughts shot trough my mind. It only made me shake harder. Sam dropped me off on my own place, and I walked in completely burned out. I fell down on the couch and decided that I would never stand up again. My mom walked in and sat down beside me, I laid my head on her shoulder and we sat there for a while without even talking, but there was nothing to say. But I think she understand.. and I was grateful for that. So after a while i gave her a kiss and stood up.

"I'm going to drop by at the cullen's place, I want to talk to Renesmee and Jake" I explained, and she nodded. So I got outside and stripped off my clothes, I propped them im my backpack and transformed. I picked up the backpack with my mouth and started to run. It took me longer then normal, but that was because I took a little detour, just to clear my mind. It didn't worked though.. AJ, she was the only thing I could think about, and the only thing that I couldn't find. on this moment i just wanted to bury my face in her hairs.. I transformed and got dressed, A bit depressed I walked into the cullen's house.

"Hello Seth" I heard Esmee's sweet voice behind me, I turned around and tried to smile. But apparently she noticed that I was faking because she frowned lightly.

"Are you okay?"

"I guess so, thank you for asking,"

"You look like you need a hug, she is upstairs hunny" I nodded and walked towards Nessie's room. This one was totally black and white, the other one in the cottage was green, but I liked this one better. Not that I didn't liked green, I loved green because AJ's eyes were green, but I just liked this one more. I knocked and walked in, even though Renesmee and I were best friends, i didn't wanted to caught my best friends messing with mister black. So when the coast was clear I walked in, and Nessie gave me a hug. When she saw my eyes she ticked on the seat next to her and just stared at me. I took a deep sight, swallowing away the pain, and started to tell her the story. After I was done, she frowned deep and she bit her nails, she always did that when she was deeply in thought.

"Maybe.."

"Maybe what Ness?, there's no maybe, I'm just doomed"

"I've got an idea come on" She took my big hand with her small one and pulled me from the bed, it still surprised me how strong she was. She pulled me to Carlilse office, and right in front of the door she told me to wait. After 7 seconds she came back with her grandpa and father. She just winked and pulled me in, Carlisle turned on the computer, and Edward took place after it, he lost my intrest after he started to mess with all kind of programs, which I didn't understanded anyway, I just stared out of the window. Carlilse switched seats with Edward.

"Seth what's her real name?"

"AJ"

"Her whole name you idiot" Renesmee muttered. Now they caught my intrest, what were they going to do?

"Her whole name is Aliceïnda Jessica Tonner, why do you need to know?"

"if we track her medical dossier, we maybe can find out where she is" Renesmee explained, her eyes focused on the screen. Carlisle slowly ticked in her name, her date of birth and pressed enter. and in that one second more adrenaline rushed through my body then I ever had in my whole life.I blinked, took a deep breath and tried not to have too much hope. I turned my eyes to the screen.

'one match found'

--

_reviews-- happy writer-- update soon._ ;D


	3. The angel and the devil

_Alliceïnde Jessica Tonner._

_Date of birth ; 08-03-1993._

_Mother; Amy Uley._

_Father; Richard James Tonner._

_Brother(s); no._

_Sister(s); no._

_Medical history;_

_blood type; AB+_

_6 September 2000; broken arm, treated at Port Townsend._

_29 September 2000; 2 broken fingers treated at Port Townsend._

_12 June 2001; a heavy cut on her head, treated at Port Townsend._

_23 July 2001; hospitalized with heavy flu; treated at Port Townsend._

_17 September 2003; hospitalized with heavy injuries, inner bleeding, treated at port Townsend._

_2 August 2007; check up, complains about dizzyness, treated in volterra, Italy._

"SHE'S IN VOLTERRA, WE KNOW WHERE SHE IS" I swung Nessie up in my arms and spun her around.

"WE KNOW WHERE SHE IS" I shouted again, and nessie threw her arms around me and laughed happily, I needed to tell Sam, and mom, and even Leah!, I needed to tell everyone that I knew where she was, well not exactly, but I had a idea where she could be, and that was good enough. I wanted to tell the whole world that I was going to volterra to find my beloved one!. Wait.. how did I get to volterra?, I didn't had any money, so didn't mom or leah. Sam couldn't lend it to me either.

"We'll pay for you Seth"

"But.." I protested, I still had my pride, I just couldn't take the offer. my pride wouldn't let me. It was a lot of money you knew. But at the other hand without the offer I probably never get to volterra, so what was stronger pride of love?.

"We need to go anyway" Edward interrupted and he winked cutting off my thoughts.

"You can't go there alone, I mean it's the city of the voltari and well your still a werewolf, and well your not really appreciated there" I let out a laugh, that made sense, besides with their help I would find her much sooner. That was just a fact, the Cullen family were truly my second family. I loved them like my own family, they were always so helpful, always there when you needed them. Edward putted a hand on my shoulder, a friendly gesture, he had read my mind and was telling me he somehow felt the same way. I called Sam and went home to pack some clothes, not that I had much clothes, but I just needed some because I didn't knew how long I was going to be in Italy, so just in case.. It took me a while, it felt so wrong to do little things like this, I wanted to jump on the plane right away, but I needed to wait because we were flying tomorrow morning. I just needed to tell mom.. and then I was ready to go. I sprinted downstairs but mom wasn't there, I searched for her in the garden but couldn't find her there either.

"Leah you know where mom is?" i asked my sister who was sitting on the couch.

"Yeah she's in the groove" the groove was a pub, and my mom was well _old_. What the hell was my mom doing there?

"What is she doing there?"

"She's having a drink with Quill's mom" She responded bored. For me it wasn't boring though, I was happy for my mom that she was going out again. It felt like a relief, I was worrying about her a lot lately. I didn't wanted my mom to be a... I don't know what. But anyway I was really glad. I wanted to see my mom happy again, and this were the first steps.

"Seth.."

"Yeah Lee?"

"If she ever hurt you, I'm going to kill her"

"Lee.."

"No Seth, I don't want you to become just like me, I'm just a bitter girl afraid of love. I don't ever want to see you like that you know, you're my brother and I love you. I just want you to be happy" She spoke softly, I stared her straight in the eyes and smiled.

"I know Lee, I know"

She smiled back weakly, and turned her eyes towards the television again. I got upstairs again and took a long shower, I wondered how AJ would look like now.. It quite excited me, and I banned the thought out of my head for now. We would have time together soon enough.. I got to bed but couldn't sleep, I was still to excited that I would soon see her. How would she react?, would she feel the connection between us?, would she remember me?, I wondered how her voice sounded like when she whispered my name. I glanced over to the alarmclock; 22;09 PM. I sighted and stared to the ceiling, I needed to fall asleep, but there were so many things that distracted me. Like the clock, it was ticking and ticking, and then there was those stupid rain that fell down. It was ticking on my window, I growled and pulled the pillow over my head. I laid there for a while before I watched the alarmclock again; 22;10 PM.. This was gonna be one hell of a long night.

When it was finally morning I slowly woke up my mom, and explained everything in hyper speed. She just nodded sleepy and her eyes already closed. I smiled and kissed her forehead, after that I ran towards the Cullen's house were they were all waiting for me, including Sam. Sam still felt guilty, I think he blames it all on him. he shouldn't because well things happen and as far we knew AJ was perfectly okay. The trip to the airport and the flight was all a rush to me, I was daydreaming the whole time and finally came to my senses when we were in the heart of volterra. _Where to start?_

7 hours later.

"Volterra is waaaay tooooooo big" Renesmee sighted while she sat down on the ground. We were only with the three of us because the sun was shining and vampires sparkled in the sun. So Alice, Jasper, Edward, and Carlisle were waiting in the hotel. Poor guys, I felt quite guilty that they were sitting there, bored like hell because of me. It was already gettin' dark, and Renesmee started to shiver, So I offered her my jacket. She took it and smiled towards me, a perfect smile like you saw in those toothpaste commercials. Renesmee was absolutely beautiful, and I again I wondered how AJ would look like now. I glanced over to the streets, we were searched for a clue the whole day, but it was tricky because we didn't knew where to start looking. We didn't know how she looked like, what kind of work she did, if she even worked, what she studied?. We only knew her name.

"maybe we should go to the library" Sam mumbled, deeply in thought. I nodded, that was quite a good idea if you asked me. Renesmee just shrugged her shoulders and excited I started to run.

"SETH!" Nessie shouted and I spun around on my feet.

"Yeah?"

"The library is the other way"

"Crap" I mumbled and slapped myself on the forehead. With a goofy grin I followed my best friend to the left this time. We walked in silence for a few minutes, until a burning smell entered my nose.

"Vampires" I mumbled and I was right because the next moment someone started to scream. Sam shot me a look and we ran into a narrow ally, We quickly fused and got after the sound. There were two vampires, and 7 humans. The humans were talking Italian really fast, and I couldn't understand one word of it. They were scared I could smell it, it might sound weird but you can really smell it if someone is scared, and these people were terrified. We needed to wait, find a perfect moment to attack. We needed to surprise them, but I couldn't control myself any longer when a little blond girl started to run and the first vampire smacked her to the ground. This kid reminded me of AJ, and without even thinking I shot forward and tore of his arm. He was taller then I was in my human form, he had a bald head and ofcourse those horrible red eyes. Those eyes filled with surprise when he saw me, he probably never saw a werewolf before. Which was easy to explain, The guys in La Push were the only werewolves, excuse me shape shifters, in the world. Sam backed me up and snapped at the other vampire, he ripped of his leg. Pff showoff, his arm would be even effective. The humans started to run and shouted while doing it. I sighted deep, I mean I loved humans don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just couldn't understand them. I mean why would you run to an old statue and hide after it, if you just could run away?. If we lost this, that man was gonna get screwed. But now I needed to concentrate on this ugly ass vampire, I know most vampires are beautiful, but this one was just ugly. Poor guy, his human life should have been really hard.. He snarled at me and I growled back, it's was just animal instinct that caused us to show our teeth at each other. He snapped at my neck, and I dodged. Fighting with vampires was way more dangerous for us then for them. Because they were poisonous to us, we needed to be extra carefull, and well that sucked. Stupid bloodsucking leeches. I snarled and threw myself through his two legs, I turned around and ripped out a piece of flesh as big as my hand. The church bells started to ring, and I let my guard drop for just a second, I wasn't used to such loud noise. then before I could even blink he was gone. I turned around and suddenly I crashed into the wall together with Sam. Then the other vampires was also gone. Renesmee came out of the ally really careful.

"Are they gone?" I nodded, and transformed back into the ally. Sam followed my lead, only there was one problem.. We had transformed without thinking and ripped up our clothes. Renesmee who kept her eyes shut still had no idea of this problem.

"Can I open them again?" She mumbled.

"Uhh... Ness we kinda have a problem.."

"What is it?"

"Our clothes, they are uhhmm.. ripped apart"

"WHAT?!, Oh my god, i'm so not going to been seen with you" she muttered and walked away. I frowned and glanced over to sam, even though nudity wasn't new for us, we couldn't just walk the streets naked..

"So... do you come here often?" Sam said and I blinked once, After that I started to laugh real hard, it was just the position we were in, and maybe because I was tired but I just couldn't stop laughing. Sam joined me and the tears rolled down my cheeks. When you thought about it it wasn't even funny. but on that moment..

"Idiots" I heard nessie's voice, and the next moment i got hit in the face by something. I picked it up and decided it was a swimming shorts or something like that, I just shrugged my shoulders and putted it on. We decided we should call it a day, and even though I didn't found her yet, I still felt happy. I was gonna find her, for sure.

AJ's POV.

"This is her?"

"Yes or at least her ID says so" The bold vampire threw the piece of plastic towards an older one, he was too gracious to be from this centrury. So I figured that he was really old. When I stared into his bloody red eyes I knew I was right.

"So this is the imprint of the werewolf Seth Clearwater?"

"Yes"

"Are you sure?"

"uhhm excuse me, but I don't know anything about an imprint, or such a thing" I interrupted, not even a second later the palm of the bold vampire landed on my cheek. I grunted my teeth but refused to groan. it burned like hell, and I forced the tears back.

"Now, now, now you don't treat a guest this way do you Jerimiah?" The older vampire spoke, while he raised both eyebrows. The bold vampire was even surprised as I was. Guest?, what the hell?, What the hell was going on here, I didn't knew what an imprint was, and i certainly didn't have one. Also I had the feeling this vampire wanted something from me, and I also had the feeling that I had no choice but gave him what he wanted.

"Now tell me darlin' do yo believe in true love?" he asked me, I didn't had to think about the answer, No i didn't believed in true love because it didn't excisted. Look at my mom and dad, they seemed so happy in the beginning. but as the years passed they got more and more unhappier. Not wanted to hurt the other they didn't spoke, making themselves even more unhappier. Now if that was true love I didn't wanted it. True love just didn't excisted.

"No"

"Well darlin' I want to make a deal"

"What kind of a deal?"

"A deal that is going to break the cullen coven, so they won't form a threat anymore."

"Well I don't care, what's in it for me?"

He came down from his 'throne' and knelt beside me. With a low voice, making sure nobody could hear it, he whispered something in my ear. Something that really interested me. Something that made my heart beat faster.

"Well?" he asked, and smiled towards me, showing his perfect teeth. They might be perfect but they were also dangerous as hell, just like him, just like his plan.

The angel on the left was screaming that I needed to get out of here, and never ever should think about accepting the offer he just made me. But the devil on the right said that it was time to play. and well i wasn't a nice girl..

"I think we have a deal" I smiled back.

--

**cookie for reviewers!**


	4. MOM!

SPOV.

_"Seth.. can I ask you something..?" she said while her eyes wandered out of the window, I nodded, stupid because she couldn't see it._

_"Sure, that's why we are friends right?" She nodded and smiled, I wondered why she couldn't look me in the eyes this time. Did I do something wrong?, I held my breath while I ran over the day in my mind again. but I couldn't think of anything?_

_"I don't know how to ask this.." I noticed that her cheeks were a little bit red, it was kinda cute you know.. I've never seen her this way.._

_"Did you ever been kissed..?" She squeeked out, and stared out of the window again, afraid to look at me. My mouth fell open and I stared at her with surprise._

_"Why.. Why the hell do you want to know that?" I asked, no I screamed even though it wasn't my intention to scream, But she caught me totally off guard._

_" I was just wondering.." She smiled sweetly towards me, a little shy though.._

_"Ofcourse I kissed someone.." My voice was higher then normal, that was because I was lying.. But I didn't wanted her to know that. Deep in my heart I hoped she was looking up to me.. I didn't knew why exactly, but I just hoped she did._

_"Ohh really?" She giggled and turned her eyes to her shoes._

_"When?" Her voice was a little bit shakier then normal but I didn't noticed. I was trying way too cool to notice._

_"Oh a while ago.." I said while I blew a bubble with my gum._

_"but.."_

_"but what?"_

_"No never mind.."_

_"No just say it"_

_"No forget about it.."_

_"No! you can tell me AJ, you always tell me everything"_

_"But this is different"_

_"AJ..."_

_"Fine, fine!" She shouted and turned around so we finally had some eye contact. however her eyes were filled with tears, I stared at her with big eyes. What did I do?, crap!_

_"Why don't you ever kiss me..?"_

_"AJ..." that was all I could say, she had me speechless. I didn't knew what to say, and I noticed that my mouth was hanging open.. '_

_"never mind" she mumbled and walked towards the door._

_"AJ wait!..." I screamed and she turned around, her eyes turned to the ground again._

_"Would you like me to kiss you?"_

_"I-I said never mind Seth"_

_"Come here.." I said, but I walked toward her in stead of she towards me. Really confusing.. I slowly took her hand, with my other hand I forced her to look at me._

_"Close your eyes.." I mumbled while I felt my heart beat in my throat. My hands were trembelings, and I felt so hot.. But she didn't closed her eyes, she just stared at me with those big beautiful eyes of her. So I slowly putted my hand in front of her eyes. I took a deep breath.._

_And an other one._

_And an other one._

_Quickly I closed my eyes, and putted my lips forward. I started to bend my head closer and closer._

_my heart was beating like crazy.._

_The moment was coming closer and closer, my first kiss! and it was with AJ! that was just great.. and it was completly freaking me out._

_The next moment I felt her hand on my chest.. and the next moment.  
I fell on the ground just in time to see her take off. Confused I stared at her... I sighted deep and shook my head. Girls.._

SPOV

I glanced over to sam, who stared right back at me. It was the moment of truth we were standing in front of a brown door. The brown door. The brown door that kept me away from AJ. I swallowed but the lump in my throat didn't disappeared, I tried again but it just didn't go away.

"We can do this Seth" Sam mumbled who was standing behind me.

"Oh yeah why don't you get your ass over here and you ring this fucking bell" I snarled irritated. I wasn't really irritated just nervous, really nervous. It was just the two of us, because AJ's apartment was right in the middle of the sunlight, so our little vamp friends couldn't join us. And little sweet ness was so tired I decided it was for the best to let her sleep, even though she would kill me of she would find out. I swallowed again and took a deep deep breath, I finally found the courage to press the bell. The seconds passed and passed.. It seemed like years.

after a few minutes off hell sam suggested to press the bell again. I grunted my teeth and pressed again, this time we heard someone approaching. Slowly the door opened and an old lady came in view. i think she was around 96, or 97. Her hairs were really grey and the wrinkles covered her face completely, she looked really nice though.

"Ciao"

"Uhhm Hello m'am we came to see AJ" Sam answered in english. The old lady frowned before she suggest we should come in. She softly closed the door behind us and slowly walked towards the living room. It was a small old house, and everything was quite dusty. Spiderwebs were hanging everywhere but the spiders were already dead.. I sat down on the old muff couch next to sam. Her English was bad, and she had a really strong accent.

'Why you want to see AJ?"

"Well I'm her uncle, and this here is her old neighbour, we lost contact long time ago but we decided we should go find her, see how she is doing. See if we could help with anything.. "

"She told me she didn't had any family left"

"well we didn't had really much contact"

"But now you're gonna take care off her, right?"

"Yes madam" Sam replied while nodding. He meant it, because he really wanted to take care off her. He already talked to emily about adopting her.

"You promise?"

"Promise"

"good, that's good"

Then suddenly the door shot open again and she walked in, I just knew it was her because my body was reacting to it like a dog reacted to a cookie when he didn't ate for a week. She was more beautiful then I could immagine, her blond long hairs were tied up in a sloppy ponytail, her big green eyes that seemed to match perfect with everything she was wearing, that seemed to match perfect with mine, stared at me with curiosity.

"ciao" Her voice was like a soft breeze on a cool summerday, it was just what you needed, well what I needed. It was beautiful so melodious, it was like she was singing. She was so perfect, and she smelled so good.

"Uhhm AJ, It's Sam Ulley, and Seth Clearwater" Sam broke through the silence while punching me in the ribs.

"don't drewl man" he hissed towards me, so soft she couldn't hear. But I kept staring at her, her facial expression changed from sleepy to furious. In her beautiful green eyes grew more and more hate, if looks could kill sam would be long dead. But that wasn't the only thing I saw, I saw fear.. she was scared, and she was hiding it with anger.

"what are you doing here?" she snarled.

"I, We came here because we want to take you back to forks" Sam's nervous voice replied. I could hear that this was really hard for him, his tone was higher then normal, his heartbeat was higher then normal and there was the fact his hands were shaking, But not from anger this time.

"It's so like you to come to my house" She spitted out.

"AJ.."

"what the hell did you expected Sam?, that I would sweep my heart from the floor and just give it to you?"

"You don't know me anymore, I don't know you anymore so just get out, you never gave a fuck so don't act like you do now"

"Aliceïnde!" The old lady mumbled, AJ's eyes wandered off to the floor.

"But!"

"No buts Aliceïnde, you have to give them a chance, they came here all the way"

"I don't care" she hissed our way.

"Who the hell do you think you are Sam Ulley?" She shouted.

"Alice nde that's enough! go apologize right now young lady!"

"No!" AJ stormed out slamming the door so hard the whole house was shaking. The old lady who was still nameless to me stood up ready to follow her.

"just give her a little time, she's really confused right now you know.." her old voice whispered before she walked after her. Sam and I decided it was the best to leave right now.. we left the address from our hotel and took off, our hopes up.. We slowly walked back towards the hotel, both wandered off in our own thoughts.

AJ's POV

I slammed the door so hard the whole house was shaking, I needed to calm down, I needed to think clear. But this whole day was taking his toll, I just couldn't understand what sam was doing here. Why would he come all the way to italy just to see me?, I didn't knew him to well but.. "Grrr quit it out AJ!" I shouted towards the mirror. Nobody cares about you there! nobody!. they all left you in the cold, left you alone with.. him. My thought were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"you can come in miss cera" I mumbled, preparing myself for the next fight. She walked in even gracious as always.I just couldn't understand, she was 96 and still she had the attitude of a real lady. When she walked in you just had to look at her. She sat down on my old dusty bed, which I loved so much. I loved this house, everything about it. Because I belonged here.. This was my home. I finally found a place to call home, here in this sweet heart of miss cera.

"AJ we need to talk.."

"I know, I know"

"It wasn't really nice of you"

"I know.."

"They can't be that bad right?"

"Don't know.."

"AJ listen to me, I know this will come as a shock for you.. But I want you to move in with that Sam Uley"

"WHAT!?, NO!"

"AJ, honey, I don't have much time left.. look at this house, you can't live here.."

"But I love this house!"

"AJ.. I'm begging you"

"Does that mean.. you don't want me anymore?"

"Ohh honey ofcourse not, you're the daughter I never had. But please can you just give it a try, I just want you to be happy"

"I am happy here!"

"Ohh honey, you'll see what I mean. Now i'm going to call that sam"

"No please!, I will do anything to stay here!, anything!"

"I'm sorry AJ, it's the best for now.."

She stood up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and walked out. Warm tears rolled out of my eyes, I felt so empty right now.. I didn't wanted to go to forks, but deep in my heart I knew that it was the best. miss cera couldn't take care of me right now. I just needed to hold on a while, and then everything would change. I just needed to do what the voltari wanted from me. I stood up, wiped away my tears and started packing.

SPOV

We just arrived at the hotel when my mobile phone rang.

"What's up lee?"

"Seth it's mom, she had an accident.."


	5. screw up!

SPOV

The rain was ticking on the roof of the airplane, the air which was tensed even tasted bitter. My mom, how could this have happened? , a car accident. It seemed so unrealistic. First my dad, and now she? I still couldn't believe it. Lee told me that she was hospitalized right now. She was in coma, and the doctors didn't tell her anything. It was the first time I really heard my sister panic. It wasn't like this with dad, because with dad there wasn't anything we could do. Before we even knew it was already over. But with mom.. it was a whole different story. Now all we could do was wait, I felt so powerless.. I should have been there, I should been holding her hand right now.. I felt so guilty..

"Seth it isn't your fault"

I looked up, it was Edward. I nodded, but I didn't wanted to talk about it. They wouldn't understand.. Nobody would, only Leah knew how I was feeling. But even she didn't knew that every night when I tried to get some sleep, the nightmares came. How the pain came all back again, How the hole in my heart busted open en let all the pain out. They didn't knew. I didn't wanted them to know, I needed to be strong.. I was the man in the family now. I closed my eyes and let my head rest against the seat. I felt so tired right now.. On this very moment I wished AJ was here with me. I would give everything to just bury my face in her soft hairs, Cry on her shoulder.. feel her arms around me. I just needed her right now.

5 hours later.

"LEE!" i shouted while I rushed through the hallway. My sister was sitting there, her hands covering her face.

"She's lying in coma Seth.."

"She..."

"She isn't mom anymore Seth.. they putted all sort of tubes in her, and she needs a machine to breath!"

'Lee.." I threw her arms around her and she started to cry on my shoulder. The next second Jacob, Embry and well the rest of the gang walked in. Jake nodded, and putted his hand on my shoulder. Even though he was my best friend, I didn't felt the need to talk right now.

"Leah I got you some coffee and a sandwich, you really should try to eat something hun" Embry softly whispered.

"I don't want toohoo"

He putted it down on the table next us and sat down.

"We can't even see her Seth" she cried. I just tightened my grip and slowly petted my head. Deep inside I was breaking down, but nobody needed to know.. No I was the man in this family. I needed to be strong. For dad, for mom, for Lee.

The time ticked away, and believe me every second was hell. Leah totally broke down, and I asked the gang if she could sleep somewhere, she just needed to get out of this hospital. When it was around midnight I left too. The doctors assured me that if something would happen they would call me. I asked them to call me first, and then Leah. I decided to crash with the cullens, I didn't wanted to go home.. I didn't wanted to be alone right now. When I walked out of the hospital, I rushed into the woods and undressed. After that I fused and ran towards the cullen's mansion. When I arrived Renesmee was waiting for me in the living room. She jumped up and gave me a hug.

"you okay?"

I just shrugged my shoulders. Didn't really wanted to reply.

"Want a cup of tea?"

I just shrugged my shoulders again. She nodded and walked towards the kitchen.. _This was going to be a long night._

_**-one week later**_

AJ's POV

every second was hell, I didn't liked hospitals I never did. Everything was white, and clean like the marks of life were brushed away. I was sitting on one of the many chairs in the waiting room. The clock ticked, counting the seconds. i swallowed, trying to get the lump in my throat away. Didn't worked. I wanted to grab the first Doctor that came in view.. but I needed to wait. I needed to wait.. I took a deep breath while I forced myself to close my eyes, I needed to calm down, I needed...

"you're Alliceïnde?"

My eyes shot open, a small Doctor was standing right in front of me. I nodded knowing I wouldn't be able to answer. He sat down next to me and laid his hand on my shoulder. that gesture was enough.. I just knew.. He didn't needed to say it, it was obvious.

_She passed away._

The shock came after a few seconds.. I collapsed, I started to shake, and after that I started to cry. I wrapped my arms around myself and cried, I just cried. I heard how the Doctor asked if he could get me something. He couldn't, he couldn't bring her back.. She was all I wanted.. I started to cry even harder, I felt how he laid his hand on my shoulder again. I didn't cared, I died right there. On that spot my heart broke, I didn't had anything to live for anymore. The only person who loved me was dead, the only person I trusted was gone, the only person who cared about me.. had left me. I sat there for quite a while, I saw the sun come up through the window. I didn't wanted it to come up, I didn't wanted to world to spin any further, I wanted it to stop.. My world had stopped so why couldn't the rest stop also? It just wasn't fair. My life completely sucked. I sat there, drowning in self pity.. So it took me a few seconds to notice that someone was sat down next to me. It was a tall older man, he had friendly eyes. He laid his hand on my shoulder, I watched him with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry Alliceïnde"

I just nodded, I felt so empty.. I knew I needed to nod, so I nodded. I didn't really care.

"My name is Henry Fuller, I'm with the child protection services"

I nodded again, it was automatism. Until the spark finally reached my brain. 'child protection services' I knew what that meant.. that meant they were getting me out of here, they were going to place me with an other family until I was 18. My eyes widened while I looked at him. He just nodded, friendly.. but it still scared the hell out of me. I didn't wanted to go through that hell again.. a new 'family' they would call it. It would never be my family, I could know I already had so many. The most were just passing through family's. they had enough problems of their own. Most times, they decided to hit me, or made me work until I could barely stand anymore. I didn't wanted that anymore, I wanted to take care off my own.. No that wasn't true, I didn't wanted to take care of myself, I didn't wanted to go any further. I just wanted to die to be honest. I felt horrible. I just closed my eyes, hoping this was just a bad nightmare, but when I woke up he was still sitting there.

- three days later

Seth's POV.

I felt like a zombie, My body was reacting on it's own. My mind was drugged, drugged with stress so much stress. I hadn't slept since we came back from Volterra. I was soo tired, I barely ate. I didn't wanted to eat, I wanted my mom. I wanted to sit with her on the couch, organizing those stupid old photographs. I closed my eyes for a bare second.. they shot open when Emily walked in.

"Seth I made you some pancakes"

"That's really sweet of you em.."

"But you're not going to eat them are you?"

I just smiled towards her, I laid my head back against the couch. I was resting with Em and Sam tonight, the cullens were hunting and I didn't wanted to be a bother. The doorbell rang and Em petted my head before she walked away to open the door. It was storming, and the wind cried. Just like me.. from the inside. The door shot open and Jacob and Quill walked in.

"Seth you okay?" Jake asked softly while he sat down next to me. I shook my head, I wasn't okay. I needed to sleep.. Emily walked in with a pillow and putted it behind my head.

"I can't sleep, I just can't" I mumbled she just smiled and kissed my forehead.

"I'm not forcing you seth, i just thought it would be comfortable"

"yeaah thanks"

I needed to patrol in a hour, I closed my eyes and sighted deep. I could barely move a hand.

"Listen Seth, I will take over your patrol together with Quill"

I opened my eyes, and smiled lightly.

"thanks.."

They just nodded and punched me on the shoulder. five seconds later I fell asleep.

AJ's POV

Rain, I hated rain.. no that wasn't true.. I just hated forks. I really hated this place. The rain continued ticking on the roof and I closed my eyes, I was so tired I fell asleep in 5 seconds. Someone ticked on my shoulder and I woke up, my heart skipped a beat when I realized that we were there.

"but what if they don't want me?" I squeaked out. The policeman just smiled and shook his head. I shook my head now, I needed to concentrate, I needed to breath! I sucked in some air, I was totally freaking out. I didn't want this.. I didn't... my thoughts were interrupted by the same policeman who opened the door. I needed to get out, I needed to relax. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, made my mind clear. I stepped out of the car and grabbed my bags. Did they know I was coming?, I didn't knew. I was tired, but the excitement interrupted that feeling.

one step two steps

just a few more until the door.

Seth's POV

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" I growled.

"none of your business" Leo growled back. I felt my body trembling, even though he was one year older then me, I totally wanted to beat him up. Right now and right here.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY" I shouted again, Jacob grabbed me, it was probably just the fact I haven't slept for quite a while, and all the stress. I just needed to beat something up right now, and leo was the perfect candidate right now. He and Tony just joined the pack, but for some reason I just didn't liked him. He annoyed me, I gritted my teeth. I wanted to beat him up so badly.

" I just said I would like to fuck leah once" he said with that goofy smile. And that was just to much, I just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't the only one though Sam also shot forward. But I was the one who hit him first. I just heard how his jaw snapped, I didn't cared. An other punch, an other snap.. this time there was a punch in my stomach, there was pain but it wasn't important. I needed to teach that bastard a lesson.. then there were arms.. grabbing me from behind. I couldn't move but i saw how Sam almost broke his arm. Emily stormed in and when she saw what was going on she turned so pale, it was almost scary. It was a good thing lee wasn't here.

"Seth I think you need to rest for a while, i'm taking you off patrol" Jake's voice shot through my thoughts. I just shrugged my shoulders, I didn't cared really. The room who was now split in two groups was quiet, but the tension was there.

"I'm going to get you for that Seth" Leo growled. I just couldn't help myself to growl back at him, it was just instinct.

AJ's POV

"you so got to be kiddin' me" My voice cut through the air like a knife through butter. Everyone turned around to look at me, This was just weird.. I wasn't supposed to live here right? the whole room was filled with guys, all very muscular, not wearing any shirts. Jeez what kind of freaks where they?, it was snowing outside. I shook my head and turned around to the cop who brought me here. I think his name was charlie, and even though he wasn't such a talker, even he couldn't deny this was just not normal..

"Charlie! AJ!" Sam jumped up and rushed toward us.

"You're a day too early"

"yeah I can see that" I muttered while raising my eyebrows. Sam turned around and waved with his arm, probably a sign to leave, because everyone did. Well except one, the same one that came to visit me at home. When everyone left, sam took a deep breath. The young woman stormed to the kitchen and the other guy just kept standing there, frozen. He stared at me with such intense eyes it was almost scary. So I turned my eyes away, within a second he was standing right in front of me and grabbed my hand. A shock ran through my body, just like the last time I saw him. It frustrated me.

"You're here..." his voice was filled with suffering. I felt sorry for him, but that wasn't my problem.

"Yeah I'm here, could you let go off me now?" I frowned. He was cute, he had a nice friendly face, and a really nice body. But his eyes was what got to me, his eyes almost told a story. A story of pain and suffering, just like mine. But his were so much different, there was so much hope.. I turned mines down. I turned around and mumbled against charlie that I was going out for a smoke. I just needed to breath, needed some alone-time. I softly closed the door, even though I would kill just to slam it. my feet sunk away in the beautiful white snow. Even though I didn't liked the cold, I loved the snow. It was so beautiful... I took a few steps and sat down on a old tree trunk. I inhaled the cold fresh air, and allowed myself to even enjoy it for a second. with almost frozen fingers I took a cigarette and lighted it, I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes while I exhaled. I sat there for a while, in that complete silence.. until he came. I heard him come, because of the snow. He didn't even had a coat on, weirdo. He sat down next to me, without even saying one word. I glanced up to him, I forgot his name.. But I was curious. He looked tired, really tired. the shadows under his eyes told me I was right.

"AJ" he sighted.

It was almost scary how much I reacted to his voice. It was like my blood started to boil. He slowly reached out for my hand, it was weird but it was warm.. which was impossible in this weather. he pulled the cigarette out of my hand and dropped it in the snow. It all happened so quickly I couldn't even protest.

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"smoking is bad for you, it could kill you"

"Yeah so, maybe tomorrow I'll get hit by a truck!"

I said something wrong, I could see it. He looked at me like I just hit him.

SPOV

Those words hit me like a fist. 'Mom' was the first thing that shot through my mind, but she couldn't know. It wasn't her fault. She was here which was a good thing, she was here.. now I could seek comfort from her. Now everything was going to be alright. It started to snow again.. she looked up with those beautiful eyes off hers. A snowflake fell on her cheek, it melted in seconds, but still I reached out my hand and slowly touched her cheek. She looked at me with big eyes.

"snowflake"

She smiled. it was a careful smile, but still a smile. she was so beautiful.. I slowly bend over and reached for her lips with mine. Her lips were warm and soft, they were just what I needed, they sheltered me from everything. On that moment I was sure everything would be alright. I had AJ, and AJ had me. I felt her cold hands on my chest.. and the next second she pushed me away. She stared at me with tears in her beautiful eyes.

"**who the hell do you think you are?, I'm not a fucking whore you know, maybe because I'm new and don't know anybody you thought I was weak, but I'm not falling for your tricks. You can't just do this! you asshole**!" She stood up and ran back to the house. I knew it was wrong, it was to quick. way to quick, but I just lost myself for a second. It felt so good, it felt so trusted. I just needed her right now..

_But damn I screwed up **badly **_


	6. damn leo!

AJ's POV

that son of a bitch!, how dared he.. I felt sick to my stomach.. It wasn't that I didn't felt attracted to him. It was just.. I couldn't. He didn't gave a fuck about me. He didn't even knew me, I just couldn't do this with someone I didn't loved. I just couldn't, and I didn't wanted to love him.. I didn't wanted to love anyone anymore. I didn't wanted to get attached to anyone. I wanted to run.. and never come back. I wiped away the tears from my eyes and walked inside. Everyone looked up, and I could see that they could see that I had been crying.

"Can I just sleep?" I asked, no I begged. The woman stood up and nodded friendly. She made a gesture to follow her, and I did. She brought me upstairs to a room with a big window, a closet and a bed. It was a small room, but way bigger then I was used too. I sat down on the bed, trying to not burst out in tears. I really felt miserable.. I just wanted to roll up to a ball and die.

"Could I get you anything?"

I shook my head, her voice was friendly. and it was just what I didn't needed.

"My name is Emily by the way" she continued.

"Alliceïnde" I replied. She sat down on the bed next to me, and softly took my hand in hers.

"I know you don't even know me, but if you want to talk about something, just know I'm here for you Alliceïnde. I know you had a rough time, so that the least I can do"

I pulled my hand back, I didn't wanted to hear anymore. I didn't wanted to get attached to anyone here.. if I did the only thing that it would bring me was pain.

"Yeah thanks, but now I would just like to sleep please"

She nodded and left me alone. When she closed the door and left me alone in the darkness I totally broke down. I hugged my knees and started to cry so hard I think even the neighbours could hear it.. if we had any neighbours. I didn't wanted to be here, I wanted to go home to Miss Cera. To the only woman that loved me. Nobody loved me here..

Seth's POV

"What did you do!"

I didn't spoke just shrugged my shoulders and sighted deep.

"Seth what did you do?, she came in crying. You better give me a good explanation for it, or I'm going to break your nose!"

"Sam!" Emily shouted. But I did understand, Sam was still aggressive because of that thing with Leo. It was just a little much.

"Seth" He growled.. at the same time I heard her cry. It was because of my super hearing, and Charlie and Emily couldn't hear it. But Sam and I could.. It broke the last pieces of my heart.

"I kissed her, I fucking kissed her!" I mumbled.

"Why the hell did you do that for!?, isn't it a little bit early for that?"

"Don't you think I know that!, I just lost myself in the moment and I kissed her. And now she thinks I'm a fucking player or something, I totally screwed up! goddammit" I growled.

"Just give her a little time" Emily laid her hand on my shoulder. I nodded, and stood up I needed some fresh air. I ran the whole night and by morning light I was totally broken. I visited my mom.. but there were no changes. She still laid there.. with all sort of tubes, with that machine who forced her to breath. I sat there for 2 hours.. after that I decided I should go visit dad.. It had been a while since I last did that. It was completely silent on the graveyard. Silence just what I needed.. I walked without even thinking, I knew the way by heart. I knelt in front of the cold dark grave, and till my surprise I found a little white rose on it. It surprised me because I didn't knew that Leah still visited. I smiled while I caressed the fragile rose.

"_Heey dad_" I started.

"_I really miss you you know. It isn't easy to be the man in house, now mom is in the hospital I feel hopeless. I don't know what to do.. Leah is totally broken, and so am I to be honest. There are fights in the pack, which is driving me crazy. I just can't take anymore. My head feels like it's going to explode. And I'm so tired, but when I try to sleep that big black hole in my chest keeps me awake. And it hurts so much.. It feels like it sucks in all happiness. The only way to make it stop is when I'm with AJ, and I know that it sounds stupid. But she is my imprint, and I know that I love her with every piece of my soul. But I terrible screwed up. And now I think she doesn't want to see me anymore. And I need her so badly.. I just need her now. But she doesn't even know me, and I think she is scared of me. I want mom to wake up so badly.. so we can laugh again. And so she could meet AJ. It's just isn't her time you know.. I know it sounds selfish but.. I don't want her to go yet. I just want to keep her with me for a while. So do me a favour and pray for me up there okay?.. I love you dad, never forget that."_

I stood up and stared at the grave for a few second. Then I turned around and started to walk back. other footprints in the snow caught my eye. I wondered who would go to the graveyard in this weather? So out of curiosity i followed them. They lead me to Amy's grave.. It was AJ who was here. She left white roses on the grave, and the prints told me she sat here for quite a while. It were the same roses as the one that laid on my dad's grave... sweet AJ.

_one week later._

AJ's POV.

It wasn't good what I was doing, I knew. But I couldn't help myself.. I just needed to do this. With my almost frozen hand I knocked twice. It took a few minutes before the door opened. An old man was standing there, a man I just knew all to well. He walked in leaving the door open, so I followed him. I stepped into the muff dead smelling livingroom.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"I wanted to see if you changed"

When I spoke his eyes got bigger and bigger. He almost choked into his whisky, and by the smell of it this wasn't his first bottle.

"you"

"Yes me"

"Get out"

"I will after I said what I want to say"

He just nodded.

"Because of you I can't even trust myself, I can't trust anyone else. Everynight I cry myself to sleep. Because of you i'm afraid to open up, and I hate it.. I can never be myself. I always have to fake a smile. Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty! and I really hate you for that. You've been a terrible father, and I don't wish bad things, but I just can't wish you well. And I wanted you to know that"

He stood up slowly... stepped forward so close I could feel his breath against my face. This was going the wrong way.. he was too close. I needed to get out of here. I knew this was a bad idea! I stepped backwards but tripped over a bottle of Jacks. When I hit the floor I just knew this was going to get really ugly. Before I could say Hogwardspig he was sitting on top of me.

" You filthy whore, how dare you to show your face here!" He hissed. and I got really scared, I wanted to leave, I needed fresh air. His breath almost made me throw up.

"How dare you!" he grabbed my hairs and slammed my head on the ground a few times. I felt warm blood drip against my forehead. It was just like the old times.

"I didn't killed her!" I cried, pain shot through my head when I moved.

"Yes you did, Don't lie to me!" Again my head against the floor. again the almost unbairable pain. I felt how blood and tears rolled off my face.

"Dad stop it! you're hurting me!" I screamed, but the words came out weak.

"She had a heartattack it wasn't my fault" I cried.

"It was because of you she had that heartattack!"

Then his hands were around my neck, and I couldn't breath anymore. Blue, yellow, green and black spots were dancing in front of my eyes. Omg i'm going to die here.. and nobody even knew. On that same moment he needed to cough and his grip weakend. I elbowed him in his stomach and was able to crawl away a few meters. I needed air, i try to suck it in. But it hurt so much and the spots didn't go away. I tried to stand but because of the dizziness I fell down again. I was too late.. He already stood up and kicked my in the ribs. I barely was able to even breath. But there were more and more kicks, then there was the taste of blood in my mouth. I... Needed... To.. Get... Out.. Of.. Here... I tried to kick against his knee, it was his weak spot. And godthank.. it worked. The fell down and I crawled to the door, I forced myself to stand up and limp away. I didn't knew where i was going, the only thing I knew was that I was out of there. When I was surrounded by trees I fell on the ground, completely exhausted. I slowly closed my eyes, the cold snow caused me i was soaked in minutes. But I didn't cared, I was out of there. Then suddenly there were two warm arm that lifted me. I slowly opened my eyes, staring in two brown ones. My saviour.

Seth's POV.

Saturday.. Pack night, the night we always worked through new schedules and talked about vampire tracks, new things in the Forrest. Etc. But the point was.. it was at sam's place. And AJ was there too. I took a few deep breaths before I walked in, most of them were already there. Except Leo and Tony. But I really didn't cared about them, I decided I was going to talk to AJ tonight. Apologize at least.. I sat down on the couch next to sam, who was far away in his own thoughts. The meeting already started and I was trying my best to concentrate. It was like an half and hour later when I heard the kitchen door open, it were tony and Leo, I could smell that. But there was some other smell too, the smell of blood. I was right because the next second they walked in, with a little pile of human in leo's arms. Everyone stared at them with open mouths. Sam jumped off the couch and I followed his example. Leo putted the little pile on the couch and started to undress her, he shouted to Emily he needed warm water and towels, and that she needed to call carlisle. it all happened so quickly, It was AJ who was lying on the couch. But I froze, I couldn't do anything. i completely froze. I stared at her pale face, the blood on her forehead and cheek. The bruises and cuts and her arms. The big purple stream on her neck. I just stared how Leo and Emily cleaned her wounds.

"Leooo" she whispered, and he slowly pinched in her hand.

"I'm so cold.." her weak voice told us. Leo who first grinned towards me, ripped of his shirt and pulled her in his arms. She mumbled something I couldn't understand but closed her eyes and her breathing started to get a little normal. I stared at leo with such intense hate in my eyes.. He noticed and grinned towards me, after that he slowly kissed her forehead. His arms tightened around her, while he stared at me. I knew what this was.. this was pure _revenge_. Emily brought a cup of tea for her and she slowly woke up again. When she did, she started to cry.. Leo caressed her hairs and whispered something in her ear. He nodded and wiped away her tears. This wasn't right it should be me who was sitting there. It should have been me who comforted her. **_It should have been me_**. But I still stood there, completely frozen. I just could stare at them.

"Alliceïnde" Leo spoke. He could even call her Aliceïnde! i hated him so much..

"Mmm?"

"if you feel any better tomorrow, would you like to take a walk with me to the woods?"

"I would love too" she smiled weakly.

Too much, just way too much. I stormed into the kitchen, stormed outside. This couldn't be true, she was mine. **MINE**. I kicked against the old tree trunk we sat on last week and it broke. This was just too much, i just couldn't take this. I heard the door, footsteps that were coming closer. 3 people. Leah - Jacob - Sam.

"Seth..'

"I don't want to talk about it"

the door again, two persons this time.

Leo-Tony.

"Ahh seth, are you a little bit upset because i stole your imprint?" I heard Leo's snarling voice behind me. I made a fist and stroke, the tree that was standing in front of me broke down too.

"No worry Sethy, after I fucked her you can have her back" He laughed.

_**too much, just too much.**_

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_**Why not review?**_


	7. stay with me tonight

A_J's POV_

_"Daddy is mommy going to be better soon?"_

_"No"_

_"ohh... well then I will do my best to nurse her so good as I can"_

_"you don't have to your mom is dead"_

_"What! No!, no that can't be your lying!"_

_"I'm not lying and it's your fault." I stared at my father while he sipped of his brandy. Tears burned in my eyes, and I hugged huggybear even tighter. The stream of tears didn't stopped, I ran upstairs to my room. It was my fault, it was all my fault.. I killed my mom, I was a horrible person. I crawled under my bed, just because I didn't granted myself to lie comfortable._

_"Huggybear, I'm a bad person aren't I?"_

_My teddybear didn't replied, just looked at me with a goofy smile. I stayed there till sunset, after that I finally had the courage to go downstairs again. I slowly walked into the livingroom, where the smell of alcohol was everywhere. Daddy's eyes were red of the crying. I pinched in Huggybear's paw who I was dragging with me._

_"Daddy..."_

_He looked up, he was completely wasted._

_"If I promise to never do it again, will mommy come back then?" I asked while warm tears rolled over my cheeks. I wanted my mommy so badly._

_"Amy isn't going to come back Alliceïnde, you know why? Because you are a monster, and good mommy's don't love monsters. You scared her away, and now she is dead. All because of you."_

_"I'm so sorry daddy, I'm soo sorry, what can I do?, daddy what should I do?"_

_"go away and never come back"_

_"daddy... you don't mean that do you?"_

_"You should kill yourself, just like you killed your mom"_

_"Daddy do you really mean that..?"_

_"Yes"_

_"but then you're all alone daddy, I don't want that.. I don't want to die either. But if you want me to die I will.." I cried. He just stared at the ceiling. I walked near him and try to climb on his lap, but he pushed me away._

_"Here daddy, so you won't be lonely" I reached out to give him huggybear, my oldest and dearest friend. I was confused and scared. But I loved my dad, I trusted him. and he told me I was a bad person, people who killed other people should die. That's what he always said. he grabbed Huggybear and poured all of his brandy over it, I felt how my eyes got bigger and bigger when he held his lighter underneath it. Hot flames licked at my sweet bear. Daddy dropped it on the ground and I grabbed it, not caring that I burned my hands this way. I tried to put of the flames with my hands, but the flames already burned him away. My hands were burning, they really hurt. I stared at them before I looked up to my dad, when his eyes met mine I saw something snap. The next second his foot hit my stomach and I rolled backwards, with a scream of pain I landed on the dirty floor. I didn't understand, he was my dad, he loved me right? why would he do this to me, I wanted to comfort him. and I wanted him to comfort me. But then I realized I was a bad person, and bad persons should be punished. So I wiped away my tears and stood up without making one sound. I just watched how my dad stood up and walked towards me, I didn't made any sound when his hand hit my face. it didn't matter how bad I didn't wanted to cry, I did. Which made him only more angry. After a few more blows, and lost awareness. When I woke up, everything hurt so much. I was still lying on the cold dirty floor of our house. My dad laid on the couch, he was asleep. I forced myself up and walked to the kitchen. My dad didn't ment it, he just was upset and tired. I was going to make him a nice breakfast, that would cheer him up. My hands hurt so badly that I dropped a plate, my dad heard it and walked into the kitchen._

_"Can't you do anything?" He growled, and I apologized. I knew it couldn't be.. but it felt like my daddy didn't loved me anymore._

"No daddy not again!" I sat up and my eyes flashed open, my arms already protective before my face. My breathing was quick, and my heart was racing. But I didn't stared into the green eyes of my dad, I stared into two gold ones. They belonged to someone with a angelic face. His features where just perfect, his eyes were kind and caring. I blinked twice and confused I scanned the room, ofcourse I wasn't home. I was at Sam's place. With a groan I let myself fall down in the pillows again, I tried to ignore the pain in my head, in my neck and stomach.

"This is going to hurt a little" I heard the angel say softly.

His way of speaking reminded me of something, of someone. But I didn't knew who.. I felt how he cleaned the wound on my head. I just gritted my teeth, I was used to pain. My breathing hurt.. and my voice was really hoarse. But that wasn't the worst thing. The worst thing was that everyone stared at me. I got the feeling I really did something wrong, I turned my eyes towards the ground. the worst thing is that my shirt was ripped apart, so there was the fact that everyone could see the huge scar that was covering most of my back. I was right because the next second the docter traced the line with his cold finger. I stared at him with big eyes.

"that's quite a big scar"

I just nodded and stared at him with big eyes.

"Did you still have problems with it?"

"Doesn't matter"

Then a brown haired beauty walked into the room. She smiled friendly towards me, but I just looked the other way. It was at that moment that I noticed it was back.

"I need some fresh air" I growled and stormed out. When I was outside I sat down on the ground and hugged my knees.

inhale-exhale

inhale-exhale

inhale-exhale

then the footsteps came.

"AJ want to get a drink?"

I looked up, Leo... I smiled and nodded.

Seth's POV.

"ohh Seth, I feel so sorry for you" Nessie sighted while she cleaned my wounds.

"Yeah I feel sorry for myself too" I mumbled. We were sitting in Sam's livingroom again, with the whole pack and Carlisle and Ness. Well minus Tony and Leo.

"But you shouldn't let yourself get so stirred up you know"

I just shrugged my shoulders, I couldn't really help it.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Ness mumbled.

"no"

"But Seth I hate to see you so unhappy" She mumbled and looked at me with her sad puppy eyes.

"So do I" Leah agreed

"And me too" Jacob nodded.

"Don't forget us" the rest of the pack shouted. I just smiled lightly. We just sat there for a long while, not knowing what to say.  
We waited until she come back. it was 23:56 when she did. I heard her open the backdoor, she stumbled into the room. her eyes were red.. her moves were uncontrolled. She drunk too much. She looked at his, completely not interested.

"AJ what the hell were you thinking" Sam shouted, he was really mad at her.

"You can't just go out without telling anyone where you're going"

"I just did didn't I?"

"Lady you're grounded"

"No I'm not"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not, you can't ground me, and you know why?, because your not my fucking dad Sam, I'm here because the only person who did care about me died, and well it's because of the law that i'm here. And don't give me that crap that you do care about me, because were were you 8 years ago Sam?, I never saw you? just wait till I'm 18 then I get off this cursed Forks and nobody will see me ever again. Maybe I will die before that time, it's not that I really look forward to the future you know. Everyone fucking hates me,My life completely sucks. So don't you dare to ground me, you don't even have the right too" She shouted with tears in her eyes.

"That's right everyone hates you" We all looked up, it was AJ dad who was standing in the door with a big grin on his face.

"great just great" AJ mumbled.

"Richard" Sam growled, and he was even more shaking then one minute ago.

"Don't worry Sam I'm here to clean up the mess" he grinned and I got a really bad feeling. AJ's face got compeltly pale when he pointed his gun at her, so did mine by the way.

"Richard stop this nonsens!" Sam shouted and stepped closer. Richard pointed his gun at Sam and Sam stepped back, we were werewolves but we were still killable with a gun.

"So you're going to finally kill me?" AJ voice surprised me, it wasn't shaky at all. Richard nodded and AJ gave him a sad smile.

"You never got over mom huh?" She whispered. Richard face turned pale now.

"Don't you even call her your mom, you killed her you monster"

"Maybe I did maybe I didn't" AJ whispered, for a second she caught my glance. Her eyes were so sad, so filled of pain.

"All I know is that mom loved me, and you don't. If you loved me you wouldn't have poured bleach into my cola, or left me in the woods without any food or water"

"You're right I don't love you"

"But amy did!" It was Sam's voice this time. AJ looked at him with those sad big eyes of hers. '

"AJ didn't killed Amy Richard, Amy died of a heartattack" Sam again.

"But do you know why she had a heartattack Sam?, it happened when she, he nodded towards AJ, turned into that monster"

Sam didn't knew what to say anymore. We all stood on the wrong side of the room, AJ en Richard stood towards the kitchen and nobody of the pack was there. I needed to protect her in a way. I slowly walked closer, but Richard noticed and pointed the gun at me now.

"I'm going to kill her sooner or later" He growled.

"You know you really suck as a dad"

"shut up"

AJ, I needed to save AJ. So I stopped thinking and transformed and jumped. The blow was already enough Richard's head smacked against the ground and he lost awareness. AJ stared at me with such big eyes they were almost going to pop out of her head. She fell on her knees and clapped her hand for her mouth. Great now I completely ruined it, now she was scared of me.

"AJ you got to calm down" Sam knelt next to her.

"Uncle Sam can you do that too?" Sam sighted and nodded. She scanned the room and the whole pack nodded. Then she suddenly started to cry, i fused back and quickly pulled on the jeans Jake threw towards me. I kneeled next to her and pulled her into my arms. She just cried against my shoulder, and I petted her head. I was here for her. she mumbled something but I couldn't hear it.

"What did you say hunny?"

"Uncle Sam.. that's why mom died, she had a heartattack when I transformed into a wolf, but I couldn't help it, it just happened"

"Ohh hunny shh, it's okay" he pinched in her hand.

"It's all my fault"

"No honey it's not!"

She just started to cry again.

I felt how someone was staring at us. So I turned around. Leah.. for her this was great news. She wasn't the only female werewolf anymore.

"now I'm not alone anymore" Aj whispered. I kissed her head.

"No honey, you're not alone anymore"

It was the first time I saw AJ smile. It was a beautiful sight.

"Seth can you take AJ to her room?, we need to discuss a few things" Sam whispered. I nodded and lifted her up in my arms, AJ was already half asleep. I laid her in bed, feeling so much happier. AJ was glowing, she seemed so happy right now.

"You look really happy AJ"

"Mmm"

"you know, I wanted to say that I'm sorry for the fact I kissed you. But you know I imprinted on you.. that means"

"I'm stuck in your head the whole day, everytime I touch you your skin glows, and when you kiss me your heart forgets to work, and when I say your name you feel such a enormous peace around you?"

"AJ.."

"Ohh seth i'm a werewolf too remember?"

"But I don't understand why did you push me away?, why didn't you wanted to see me?"

She sighted deep. Her eyes glanced over to the window.

"I'm scared to get attached to someone, it always end up with so much pain. And with you the feelings were so strong.. I was afraid if I was going to lose you I just could take it you know"

"AJ... she didn't let me continue my sentence but instead she kissed me. I pulled her on my lap and started to kiss her back, her lips parted and she searched with her tongue for mine. Then she suddenly pulled back, I opened my eyes and she watched me teasingly.

"That's mean" I mumbled and used my puppy eyes.

She laughed and snuggled against my chest.

"Life's hard Seth you better get used to it"

"Seth..?"

"Yeah..?"

"will you stay with me tonight?"

"AJ.."

"please?"

"Sure"

AJ's POV

Hmm I strechted out slowly enjoying the warmth of the body next to me. I snuggled against it and opened my eyes.

"Goodmorning beauty" He grinned. He was so pretty if he grinned.

"Morning" I smiled back while I kissed him.

"Are you hungry?" he smiled, I nodded.

"what would you like to eat?"

"You" I smiled while I kissed him again, he smiled back and pulled me close.

"Hmm, even though I want it really bad we really should get downstairs you know. It's almost 2 o' clock"

"You're kidding?"

"Nope"

"How long have you been awake?"

"Ohh awhile"

"SETH! you should have waked me"

"But you're kind of cute when you're asleep you know"

I stuck my tongue out and jumped out of bed, The calender caught my eye, 18 December.

18 December the day I was supposed to meet up with Aro.

"what's wrong?" Seth's worried voice asked. I turned around and smiled.

"Ohh it's nothing" He wasn't supposed to find out what my deal with the voltari was. **_He couldn't knew.. ever._**


	8. happy birthday

**hi guys, we're going to have a fast forward. But it's just necessary for the story.. Btw don't forget to review or else I don't know ifanyone is reading and that isn't really motivating. haha. **

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_3 weeks later._

**Seth's POV**

"I just don't know what to think of it you know lee?" I sighted while I shook my head. My sister who was more focused on the road before her then on me nodded. I didn't knew if she was even listening, but I just continued.

"She don't want to tell me what she did the whole day, and when I ask why she smells like vampire she just smiles and quickly takes a shower. She just won't talk with me about anything!, not about her past, her time in volterra nothing just fucking nothing"

"give her some time Seth, it's all really new for her, so is the imprinting thing you know"

"yeah I guess that's true" I sighted, but still it felt really wrong. I wanted so badly that AJ would trust me, tell me everything that was on her mind. But she didn't, she didn't told me anything. And it frustrated me. Also there was the fact that AJ still didn't transformed into a wolf, she didn't wanted it she told me. But she had too once right? We stopped at the hospital and in silence we walked to mom's room. The doctors told us she could go home anytime soon now, Which was great news. We both missed her so much. But when we entered the room the room was empty, Leah shot me a glance and we both ran towards the counter. A woman with red hairs and friendly brown eyes smiled at us.

"can I help you?"

"Sue.. Sue Clearwater"

Her hands ran over the keys and the computer bleeped. The face of the friendly woman turned sad.

"Jeez i'm sorry kids, but she had an allergic reaction on some fleur-de-lucs and that caused some breathing issues. So she returned to the intensive care"

I stared at the woman, my mouth open. I didn't knew how to react. I didn't know what to do, how could this happen?

"Who brought those flowers?" I heard Leah ask far away.

"Uhhm let me think..." the woman closed her eyes. So did I, anger was taking over my body and I started to shake. This was just a horrible timing. Ness her birthday party was starting in a hour, and well we decited to make a stop at the hospital to visit mom.

"Ohh I remember! It was a blond girl with clear green eyes"

Leah glanced over to me, and I knew what she thought. I thought the same, there was only one person with green eyes and blond hairs that would visit mom. _AJ_.. Goddammit this couldn't be true. AJ knew my mom was allergic to lily's. Because I was too, she used to tease me with it and ran after me with one when we were little._ She knew, She knew_. How could she do this?, it was just not possible.

**AJ's POV**

I was totally exhausted. I switched the heavy bags to left hand and sighted again. I didn't knew that christmas shopping could be so exhausting. I really wanted to sleep, but I couldn't I needed to get back to forks, change my clothes and hide all the presents and get to Renesmee's party. I smiled when I looked at the presents, this was going to be the best Christmas ever. I had a boyfriend that I loved so much, and he loved me too. I had a home and a caring aunt and uncle. It was almost impossible but I was truly happy. I grabbed the bus back to forks and daydreamed about christmas already, I wanted to see their faces when they would find the presents under the christmas tree. When I got home Sam and Emily were already gone to Renesmee's party. So I quickly hid the presents under my bed and undressed myself to grab a quick shower. My cellphone started to ring, Man really bad timing. It was Seth, probably upset because I was too late at Renesmee's party.

"Hi honey"

"AJ we need to talk"

"uhmm okay, we'll talk later I don't have time now, I'll see you at Renesmee's party"

"Bye honey" And I hung up the phone, after that I quickly jumped under the shower. I decited I would wear just jeans and my favourite shirt. I blowdried my hair and brushed it, then I putted some make up on and grabbed Renesmee's present. I was ready to go! I was quite late, and most of the guests where already there. I knew Edward and Bella were coming later because they would bring Renesmee's present, the climax of the party. I walked in and started to congratz some people, Then Emmet came and lifted me up. I grinned and told him to let me go, he did and I searched for Renesmee. When I finally found her she smiled and hugged me.

"AJ!"

"Hi, Happy birthday" I smiled back and gave her the present. She unwrapped it slowly, it was a silver bracelet. I just hoped she liked it, She thanked me and I smiled. Renesmee and I weren't the greatest friends. Never will be, but she was Seth's friend so I was nice to her. I saw Emily and sat down next to her, I was really tired and smiled when she gave me a glass of punch. Pff this was going to be the whole night, how the hell was I going to make that?, I could feel my body protest now already. It was trembling wanting to change and rip all these vampires apart. But I forced myself to keep it in, these were nice vampires. But the wolf inside of me didn't agreed. Great this was going to take so long I cried inside off my head. But I didn't knew how wrong I was because the next second the lights went out, not that that made much difference expect for the humans then.. The next second I saw how the half of the room froze. I jumped up and ran forward. What was going on? When I saw what was going on my heart stopped beating. The other half of the room was filled with vampires in black capes. I knew them because I saw them before, many many times. The voltari! Goddammit! how dared they, I told them to back off. I felt anger spread through my body. They wanted to make a deal but I refused. If I gave them information about the werewolves and the cullens they promised to bring miss cera back. But miss cera was resting in peace now, and I never never would betray the wolves or the cullens. It was only now that I noticed that Jane ,who was standing next to Aro, was holding Renesmee. Renesmee was crying and jake and Seth were lying on the ground screaming of pain.

"Aro what the hell are you doing!" Carlisle screamed and in a flash the whole cullen family stood before the guard. Aro just smiled and watched the two werewolves screaming of pain carefully.

"Ohh I'm just playing" he smiled.

"Let my granddaughter go right now!" Carlisle growled. But Aro smiled and caught my glace.

"And I needed to thank you Miss Tonner without you this wouldn't have succeeded, my deepest gratitude, I could have never imagined that you were such a great actress. The poor clearwater kid really believed that you loved him didn't he?, that you are a werewolf. Great work Miss Tonner"

I felt how all the blood disappeared out of my face. That wasn't true!, I didn't helped the voltarri!, I refused to help them!. The next second everything turned black around me, I lost my senses and found myself in pure black darkness. It took forever to clear up, and when it did well I just hoped it would come back. A furious Seth was staring at me, and when I saw that I woke up he pinned me to the wall. I saw that there were more people who were lying on the floor, just like me they completely lost their senses.

"How could you!" Seth screamed, his face was turned purple. He was shaking like a I don't know.. there wasn't really a word for it.

"It isn't true!" I screamed back. But I saw in his eyes that he didn't believed me.

"How could I be so stupid!, now I understand why you didn't wanted to tell me why you smelled like vampire, or where you've been."

"No Seth that's not true!" He was hurting me, because he was so big and he pinned me to the wall I was hanging at my arms, and well that wasn't a pretty feeling.

"The next second I felt a fist punch in my stomach and I crashed through the wall, I gasped for air and the monstrous pain that shot through my body didn't made it easier to breath. Emmet jumped on top off me and started to hit me with his fists. on the second I thought I would die, Carlisle grabbed him and pulled him off me.

"She's not worth it Emmet, we have other things to do now" He said, but looked at me with such intense hate. I didn't deserved this!, I didn't do anything. Emmet nodded and stood up.

"Get out" He hissed.

"No you got to believe me!" I mumbled, it was barely hearable. I glanced over to Seth, but he just stared at me in hate just like the others.

"Seth.. please" I begged.

"You heard Emmet" He hissed.

"Seth.."

"_Get out AJ, and don't dare to ever come back, now I understand why you thought nobody loved you, you're just not worth it_"

On that moment my world broke, Everything lost its colour. But I stood up, ignoring the pain. I turned around and started to run, deep into the forest. Why was this happening. Why? Who did Aro lied to them, I just didn't understand. I just ran and ran tears streaming over my face. When I fell down on my knees, totally broken, I heard footsteps but I couldn't turn around, I was just to tired. But I smelled it was a vampire.

"AJ, honey what nice to see you here"

"Aro.. why.." I cried. He totally ruined my life, he took everything. and now it was all gone.

"It's all part off the game" He whispered and grabbed me, He threw me over his shoulder and slowly started to walk, whistling happy and with a big smile on his face. I just let my head hung. I wasn't going to fight anymore, _I had nothing to fight for._

**Seth's POV.**

How could she, All my love that I felt for her was eating me from the inside. Maybe I should have listened to her. But everything was so obvious.. I rammed my fist into the wall, it broke.. I didn't cared. Everyone was planning to rescue Ness, We were going to bring her back, For sure. I would bring my best friend back, because she was one off the last things that I cared about. Sam asked me to bring Emily home, I just shrugged my shoulder and grabbed his carkeys. As a packleader he needed to be here right now. I knew but I hated him for making me go somewhere were AJ's smell would be everywhere. We drove to their home in silence, I think Emily was afraid to say something. When we were finally there I walked to the kitchen, I knew it was stupid to go inside but something was making me.. i didn't knew what it was. I walked upstairs, almost automatic to her room. It still smelled like her.. There were a few clothes lying on the ground in the corner. I grabbed them and stared at them. AJ.. Stupid girl, I kicked against the bed. How could she do this? Something fell on my foot and I picked it up. It was a present.. my name was written on it. I knelt down and found many more. Not only for me, but for emily and sam too. There was three envelopes too. I picked up the one with my name on it and opened it.

_Dear Dear Seth, _

_Before you open your presents I want you to read this.. _

_I can't tell you how glad I am that I met you, to be honest I didn't wanted to live anymore. _

_I really hated life, but you showed me how beautiful it can be. _

_With you on my side I have the feeling I can do anything, and I knew everything is happening very quickly._

_And I mean very very quickly, but I don't care you mean the world to me._

_I will do anything for you, anything. _

_I just wanted to say; _

_I love you _

_I really do, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. _

_I'm so proud to be your girl.. you can't immagine._

_So dear Seth, thank you for loving me, that's the greatest present you could ever give me. _

_hugs and loads of kisses. _

_AJ.  
_


	9. sound the bugle now

**Renesmee's POV**

This was the most terrible birthday ever. I was trapped in complete darkness for ages now, and when it finally disappeared I found myself in a prison cell. Great just great, I heard breathing telling me that I wasn't the only one here. Quickly I jumped up and turned around. AJ was sitting in the corner, I almost let out a loud growl but I stopped myself. Aro said that it was because off her that I was here. But if that was true, what was she doing here then?, and why was she crying?, it didn't made any sense.

"Stupid stupid Vampires, why are they doing this to me? I finally was happy and they completely ruined it" I heard her mumble to herself. Suddenly I wished that I didn't jumped up, it didn't felt good to disturb her somehow. I didn't even knew the girl very well, all I knew was that she had a really hard time and that she was seth's imprint. But well I was already standing now wasn't I?

"AJ.."

She looked up, when her eyes drilled in mine I saw complete fear. She was terrified. But it only lasted for seconds, then she putted on her mask. Her face turned neutral but icy, her eyes hardened. to say it in a simple way, she shot in defense. I guess she was used to it because off all the suffering that she already been trough. It was a normal reaction for her. She wiped away her tears and stood up so we were standing eye in eye.

"Renesmee" Her voice was hard and icecold. I wondered, if she was here were there more people of my family?, or friends? or was she the only one?

"What happened?"

"Can't you remember?, you are taking by the voltari" She said sarcastic.

"You know that's not what I mean"

I saw something break inside of her.

"You believe me? that I didn't have anything to do with it?"

I nodded, because I did. It just didn't made any sense because if she did she wouldn't be here with me right?

"It's all Aro's fault. He completly hates the Cullens, Don't ask me why because I don't know, So he approached me. He wanted to make a deal, information about the wolves and your family against Miss cera. He would turn her in a vampire. You have to understand that on that moment she was the only thing I had. I know it was really selfish but on that moment I agreed. I didn't even knew anything about you on that time, when miss cera died a few weeks ago and I was forced to move to forks I hated you all. I hated everything, I didn't wanted to go to forks. But I didn't had a choice. Then I met Seth, and I totally fell in love with him, everything changed. I realized that there were more people that loved me. Sam, Emily, Seth. It weren't much but it was enough you know. So when the voltari aproached again I refused. Aro wasn't all to happy about it in the start. He kept threatening me, but I still refused. And then there was your party.. and well you know the rest of the story"

"No I don't.. why are you here now AJ, I mean if you don't have anything to do with it so why are you here?"

"I... When... They..." She took a deep breath.

"When they took you away, nobody believed me. Not even Seth, Emmet almost beat me to death, and well everyone just stared at me in hate. Nobody believed me, nobody. Not even Seth.. So I left. I ran into the forest, I ran and ran until I couldn't stand anymore. When I fell down Aro found me. He smiled at me and mumbled something about how fun it was to play games. And now I'm here"

"Jeez AJ, i'm so sorry"

"Don't be it isn't your fault"

"it isn't yours either, Life's hard Renesmee I got used to it"

But that wasn't true, because the girl that was standing in front of me wasn't a normal girl anymore. She looked like a zombie.. Her face was swollen and black and bruised. she were her arms and well everything. there was dried up blood on her arms and face. But that wasn't the worst part.. That were her eyes. you just could see how broken she was on the inside. it was scary to see, and I felt so sorry for her. I think she don't could be happy ever again. I just couldn't understand how Seth could say that to her. That was just cruel. I was really afraid that AJ wouldn't clear up anymore. But now there were other worries, We needed to get out of here.

"AJ listen to me we need to get out of here"

"I know, but there is just no way out Renesmee, I already tried. No windows, no loose rocks, 4 guards behind the door" She pointed to the thick wooden door.

"well don't worry my family will come to get us" I said, my voice filled with despair.

"Sure they will come and get you, no worry Renesmee" AJ smiled at me, giving me courage. For a while we sat there in silence, We didn't knew what to say. Then the door opened and a vampire walked in, you couldn't see his face because of the black cloak he was wearing. It completely covered him up. he nodded towards AJ and she nodded back, then he walked out again. AJ stood up slowly, i could see that she was in a lot off pain.

"What are you going to do?"

"Aro wants to see me" She said with that ice cold voice again. She was scared, so was I.

"I'll go with you!" I jumped up, if we did it together it wouldn't be so hard.

"No renesmee, sit down and listen to me" Her voice was so forcing that I sat down in a second.

"Now listen very good. I'm going to do everything to get you out off here understand?, and when you see a chance you run, get out off here so quick as possible. Don't wait for me, and don't come back for me I'll be fine alright?. You need to promise me that"

"but AJ.."

"just promise"

"No I don't!"

"Listen to me Renesmee, they want to make a monster out of you, they will feed you human blood everyday. You're not a monster, you'll never will be, but you just need to get out of here so quick as possible."

"Alright I promise"

"That's good" AJ smiled sadly towards me and turned around to the door.

"Ohh and renesmee, never forget if you don't loose yourself, you'll never loose your courage" and with that words she left. she slammed the door and I heard three pair of footsteps slowly walk away. I sighted and let my head rest against the wall. I was tired, but I was to scared to sleep now. My mom and dad and the rest of my family would be here anytime now. Then Jacob would take me in his arms and everything would be alright, I would explain to Seth what really happened and everything would be alright. There was no need to worry, they would be here anytime now.

"_Sure they will come and get you, no worry Renesmee_"

It was only now that I understood the meaning of that sentence, _they would come and get you._ **_Not us_**, that ment..

Everything fell on place now.. _AJ wasn't planning on surviving this._

**AJ's POV**

While we were walking suddenly I remember a song, it used to be the favourite song of my mother. It was by Bryan Adams- Sound the Bugle.

_Sound the bugle now - play it just for me  
As the seasons change - remember how I used to be  
Now I can't go on - I can't even start  
I've got nothing left - just an empty heart__I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight  
There's nothing more for me - lead me away.  
Or leave me lying here  
Sound the bugle now - tell them I don't care  
There's not a road I know - that leads to anywhere  
Without a light feat that I will - stumble in the dark  
Lay right down - decide not to go on_

It was strange but somehow I couldn't remember the rest.. Then the huge doors opened and we walked into the main hall of the voltari. This is were hell begins..

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	10. just an other lesson

**_Don't forget to review!_**

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**AJ's POV**

I walked towards the centre of the main hall. The two guards that were guiding me didn't let me out of their eyesight for a second. Because I guessed this was the only room with a way out.

"don't worry, I'm not planning on going anywhere" I mumbled. But they didn't responded, like they didn't even heard me. I glanced up to the three chairs, well they looked more like thrones. Aro was sitting in the middle, Jane was sitting in the chair left to him and Alec on his right. I knew that they were ruling for ages now, the mighty voltari. I focused on Aro, I just stared at him in hate. The left guard pushed me on my knees, with a low growl in his direction I fell on my knees. My body was trembling once again. It was hard to keep the wolf inside of me, not letting it out.

"Why Aro?" I growled.

"Because it's time for a change my dearest Aliceïnde. You know I even reappointed the two leaders of the voltari. My old comrades, well how should I put this?, We didn't had the same opinions anymore. So I replaced them you see?, I'm the most powerful vampire in this world. Marcus and Caius are rotting in the deepest dungeons now. but that aside let's come to the point. You know what bothers me Aliceïnde?, Love, Family"

I kept my mouth shut, knowing it was the best thing to do know on this moment.

"It all started with Marcus and his stupid Didyme. She was my sister you know, and he loved her so much it was disgusting. And she loved him. They were happy, so disgusting happy. They could do anything you see?, When Marcus was with Didyme he was stronger then me, quicker then me, smarter then me. I hated it, so I killed her. Love is a stupid thing you see Aliceïnde. It can make you so much stronger but it can break you so easily. With Sulpicia it's different I didn't truly loved her, in fact I just used her. But when I found out that she was cheating on me I killed her, it was so simple to kill her, just like Didyme. I didn't felt anything when I dumped her in the flames. But let's get to the point now, you're wondering why you are here right? Well it's simple, when Marcus turned into a zombie I was the greatest most powerful vampire again. But now there is the Cullen family. They just have to much influence. That stupid stupid Carlisle with his stupid stupid family. They have so much great gifts, it's dangerous to have them all together. So I decided that they were forming a threat for me. So I decided to rip them apart.. And ofcourse I didn't needed the information that you could give me. No I needed your information about the pack. I needed to know how I could rip them apart. And now I know. It's quite simple you see, you just take the weakest ones. Renesmee, you.. you're just bait. but to make the time pass I'll play with you and make you zombie's who don't believe in love, hope or family. Then the cullens and the werewolves will come here and I will destroy them for once and for all"

"You got be kiddin' me!" I jumped up and anger spread through my body. Eight years of controling made me able to not transform. If I had recently transformed I wouldn't be able to pull it off.

"that's the reason you totally ruined my world?, because you felt threatened? Jeez! you can't be the most powerful vampire for ever! this is ridiculous! things change get over it you freak!" I shouted and the next second a massive pain spread through my body. Jane who was looking out me like I was some sort of dirt and spitted on the ground.

"Don't you dare to speak such nonsense ever again or you'll pay for it" Her icecold voice seemed to came from far, the warm burning pain which squeezed every drop of resistance out of my was the only thing I could think off. I could barely breath, I wasn't even able to scream. I could feel tears rolling over my cheeks, I didn't cared I couldn't think of anything but the massive pain. It was worse then I ever could have imagined. I would rather die then ever go through that again. When it finally stopped I gasped for air. I sucked my lounges full off fresh air and slowly recovered a little bit. I tried to stand up but I couldn't and fell down on my knees. The wounds that I could thank Emmet for freshly burned on my back, ribs and arms. And then there was the fact that I didn't ate or drunk something for quite a while now. I was completely broken, I closed my eyes trying to find something to live for. If I didn't I would give up right now and right here.

_Seth..._ no Seth's hated me.

There was nothing else I could think of really, then suddenly jacob shot through my mind. Renesmee.. I needed to save Renesmee. she had a life an imprint, people who loved her. _she was worth it_. I needed to save her. But first I needed to rest for a while.. I couldn't stand anymore, even breathing was a challenge now. So I laid there, eyes closed forcing myself to breath. After a while they brought me to a cold cell, but that was just for a while. I think I slept there for a hour, they brought me a can of water and some bread. Grateful I ate it, when I was done they summoned me again. But this time Aro wasn't sitting in his chair, only Jane and Alec were there. When I came in Jane smiled, I hated that smile, it was a cruel smile. It was that kind of smile that told you that she loved what was coming, and what was coming wasn't good for you.

"Alec and I had an argument. Alec thinks your kind is just worthless but I think you have some potential so I want to test that, it's a good way to learn more about you"

I waited in silence, what she said was complete bullshit. She just wanted to see me suffer.

"But well first things first. First we need to handle Renesmee" She smiled again while she ran her hand through her hairs.

"it's a though job you know, being one of the most powerful vampires of the world" She smiled again, this time there was some joy on her face, Which was quite rare. She snapped her fingers and 3 guards ran towards me, they tied my hands and legs, then they took me to a stairs. To walk that stairs was just pure hell, it hurted so bad that I sunk through my legs. the guard who was leading me didn't stopped he just pulled the ropes and dragged me upstairs. When we finally were upstairs my elbows and knees bursted open and thick blood dripped on the floor.

"How dare you to soil our flour" one of the guards growled and his knee hit me in the ribs. I was going to die I knew for sure, I couldn't take anymore now. Maybe it was better this way, then I wouldn't be a trouble anymore. Then Seth could go and find someone who was worth it. When I thought about him a big black hole on my chest sucked up everything, the pain jane had given me was nothing compared to it. Man I really wanted to die now, finally I would be freed of this cruel world. The guards hung against the wall, completely in sight of the three thrones. I hung there my arms spread in pincers. I hing there so they could look at me and enjoy it. After a while, I completely lost my sense of time, Aro walked in followed by Renesmee. When she saw me her eyes grew bigger and bigger and she clapped her hand for her mouth. Yeah I guessed I must looked horrible.

"Ohh don't mind our pets dear one" Aro smiled while he glanced over to me.

'Pets! She is a person you goddam idiot!" Renesmee screamed. The next second she fell on the ground screaming off pain. I really hoped someone had reserved a place in hell just for jane. She was just completely cruel, hundred procent awere off it and she loved it. Aro suddenly started to laugh and snapped his fingers. An other guard walked in, Jeez howmany were there?, with a large bowl. I could smell it was blood.

"Renesmee have a drink" Aro smiled while the guard left the bowl on the table and left again. on that point I really think she was stronger then me. But her hands were shaking and her eyes wandered off to the bowl. She made a fist and tried to strike it, so it would fell on the floor. Aro grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"Now Renesmee that isn't very polite of you is it?, didn't your parent teach you any manners?" Renesmee's eyes shot fire now. But Aro didn't seemed to notice.

"Now I really think you should think it over, you know if you would refuse I get mad, and if I get mad I need to work it off and what would be better than.." His eyes caught mine for just a second. Renesmee turned pale and stared at me. I stared back.

"Don't do it" I whispered while I shook my head. But then there was the massive pain, This time I found the strenght to scream.

"Stop it!" Renesmee shouted, and the pain slowly ebbed away. Again I gasped for air while staring at Renesmee. She didn't looked at me but turned her eyes to the ground. She slowly walked to the bowl and lifted it. I looked at her, wanting to scream that she shouldn't do it. But I didn't had the strength too. Aro was torturing both off us, with tears in my eyes I saw how she gulped away the red liquid. Seth told me once that Renesmee had quite some problems with her diët. If she started she couldn't stop anymore, even thought she was a part human. Maybe it was because of that that she had so many problems with it. Her human side wasn't as strong then her vampire side and wasn't really good in saying no. And when she smelled blood the vampire in her reacted and her human side well just ebbed away. Poor Renesmee.

**Seth's POV.**

No airplanes to volterra, it was unbelievable how powerful the volturi was. Jeez, that was just incredible!. So we took the cars, but even when we drove way over the speedlimits it took us a 2 weeks to reach volterra. in those two weeks the only thing we did was stop to get something to eat for the werewolves. Because we had limited room only Jacob, Sam, Quill, Embry, Leah and me were there. But now we were finally there. Volterra, the city of the mighty volturi. When we all finally got there we immidiattely attacked the volturi. Or well we tried. when we walked in we found Aro, Jane and Alec together with a few guards. The only thing was that in the middle of the room there was well.. something. It was like a wall or a shield and it didn't matter how hard we tried we didn't got through.

"Ahh Carlisle, What nice to see you! how do you like the powers of Elaine?, my newest price. It's like bella's power only fysical you see?"

Carlisle didn't responded he just stared at Aro with icecold eyes.

"Now now Carlisle, don't worry when the two shows are over we'll find out which team is the strongest, My elaine can only do this once a day for 40 minutes so first enjoy our 40 minutes of entertainment!" Aro seemed to really enjpy this. But he couldn't knew that there were more then 289 other vampires waiting outside just waiting for our sign. He was just fucking crazy, He didn't thought clear anymore. But if this was true that we just had to wait 38 minutes before we could kill him.

"Seth.. AJ is here" Edward mumbled. I nodded, just like we thought. poor AJ, I really needed to find her! she didn't deserved this, I could just hope she would forgive me. And ofcourse we needed to find Ness too! we needed to get them out of this hell and bring them back home.

"But I can't choose, which to preform first. Alliceïnde or Renesmee. What do you think Jane?" Jane smiled showing us her perfect white teeth. Her red eyes stood amused.

"Alliceïnde" She nodded.

"Alec?"

"Alliceïnde" He nodded too.

I horrible feeling made master of me. What kind of show? this just couldn't be good. I needed to get through this wall, I couldn't let them hurt AJ anymore. She had enough.

"Now Elaine can you made our side dark now?" Aro smiled and clapped his hand. But nothing happened, or at least that's what I thought.

"They can't see us from that side anymore" Edward growled. We all started to bang on the shield but just nothing happened, there was just no way in, or out. We just needed too wait.

"Carlisle we can win this" Edward whispered.

"He's way over his head, I think he had a breakdown or something, but he isn't thinking straight anymore we can have him"

Carlisle just nodded, that wasn't our first priority, that were AJ and Renesmee. Why couldn't we just believe her in the first place?, we? I ment I. Why did I had to be so stupid. Edward told me that she didn't do it, the flowers in the hospital, that was jane. the volturi completly set her up. She was innocent, he read it in the minds of the guard that we caputred and killed. How could I be so stupid, how could I how could I?, Now I completly lost her trust.. but that wasn't the worst thing. First we needed to her out of here. That was the first thing, then I would dedicate my life in hoping that she would forgive me. I would do anything for her. but ofcourse that wasn't enough.. I should have believed her. She was my imprint I should have believed her.

"Now let's begin" Aro snapped his fingers and all eyes turned on the wall on the left. Something was hanging there.. I couldn't believe it was AJ, she was totally beaten up, she lost weight, almost all her weight. Her skin was white/grey except for the loads of bruises and the skin around her eyes turned red. She looked like a living zombie.. no that wasn't true she looked like she was dead. My heart stood still when I stared at her. This was all my fault.. I really needed to get her out of her.. **now.**

**AJ's POV**

I woke up when jane shot an other wave of massive pain through my body.

"Yeah jeez i'm awake" I screamed and the pain stopped. It was the new way of waking me up.. My muscles were all protesting, the only way to get out of this hell was sleep. The rare moments I could sleep were just like heaven to me. Everyday was the same, They hung me against the wall and forced Renesmee to drink human blood. Then they brought me back to my room, an empty cell, I swear if I would find something to kill myself with I would have done it in an second without any second thoughts, But anyway after a hour they come and get me and started to torture me once more. 'To see what a werewolf could take' they told me, but it was just because they loved to see me in pain.

"AJ dear one tell me do you miss forks?"

For a second I was speechless, This was something that I didn't expected. Aro never asked me anything, not how I was feeling nothing. I thought he didn't saw me like a person.

"Well?"

I tried to shake shoulder but I couldn't.

"It was just an other temporary home" I whispered while I forced back the tears. I cried enough, I didn't wanted them to think I was weak.

"and the werewolf?, hmm what was his name again ohh right the young Seth Clearwater! do you miss him?"

"Shut up" I growled. When the deep black hole in my chest came too life again.

"tell me if you could have one wish right here and right now what would it be?"

"Let Renesmee go" I whispered.

"How sweet of you, why do you want me to let her go AJ?"

"Because she has family that loves her, a boyfriend that means the world to her and the other way around"

"Still believe in love AJ?, Stupid you know after everything I told you.."

"now you just have to stubborn huh?" Aro snapped his fingers, and two guards opened my pincers, I fell I think it was 12 feet down, with a loud smack I fell down on the ground. I groaned more pain, how nice.

"I'll teach you once again" Aro smiled and the large doors opened. I heard footsteps and I tried to sit up, With a lot off effort I managed to sit down on my knees.

"You know, when we found her she was already dead for 5 minutes, and after 4 minutes there is permanent brain damage. So how will I put this.. she can't really think straight.. she is just guided by her instincts now."

I glanced up into the red bloody eyes of the woman that I loved so much, the woman who was like a mother to me. The woman who comforted me when I was upset and laughed with me when I was happy. I looked up in the two red eyes of the person who was going to kill me, rip me apart.

_**I couldn't take it anymore, this was just too much.**_ I let my head hang and closed my eyes. The black hole in my stomach exploded and sucked up everything. My feelings, my thoughts. I fell on the ground waiting, hoping that it would be over soon.

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	11. so close but still so far away

**AJ's POV**

_8 years earlier._

_warm tears rolled over my face. I hugged my knees and hid my face, I wanted to go home. I hated this stupid stinking room. It was dark and filled with all sorts off chairs. I was trapped her for ages now, it seemed such a great idea to hide in the back off a truck so dad wouldn't find me. The only thing was I should have been more careful, I fell asleep and when I woke up the truck was moving! and the doors were locked. I was afraid that I would suffocate if I was trapped here for an other hour. I rubbed my cheek which was swollen because daddy hit me there. The other side of my head too. I cried for hours when the truck finally stopped. After a while the doors opened and light shined in, I held my hands before my face because the light burned into my eyes._

_"Well well well what do we have here?" I heard a man's voice mumble while he stepped into the truck. I was still blinded because of the light, but I could see that he was standing next to me now. I threw my arms around his legs and started to cry again. The man who was unstable because I was clamping myself to his legs sat down next to me. My eyes were used to the change off light now and I could see his face now. He had big eyebrows and small eyes, but they were friendly which was good. his nose was a little bit too long, he had a dark beard which was turning grey. Just like his hairs by the way._

_"Are you mad at me mister?"_

_"No i'm not mad at you, I just didn't expected you in my shipment"_

_He spoke with a accent, I couldn't tell what kind of accent it was._

_"But you probably have a good explanation for it don't you?" He asked friendly._

_I started to cry again, but he wrapped his arms around me and comforted me._

_"So what's going on kiddo?"_

_"My daddy hates me, he tried to kill me" I sobbed while I tried to rub away the tears. I needed to be strong. I felt how the man stiffened next to me. But it was just for a second._

_"I think you can use a warm cup of coco what do you think?"_

_I nodded because my stomach growled and the man rubbed over my head._

_"I think you can use a sandwich too huh?"_

_I flushed, and he just laughed loudly, he lifted me on his shoulders and we walked into the dinner. He bought me a sandwich and a cup of warm coco just like he promised. He told me his name was Paulo, Paulo Cera. he was really nice to me, made lots of jokes. He made me really feel comfortable. He was my hero at that time. When he asked me my story I told him everything, well almost everything. The wolf part I kept out._

_"Jeez that's really a horrible story kiddo" He mumbled, I already told him that my name was AJ but he preferred to call me kiddo. Paulo decided to take me with him to Volterra, the place he lived. On the borders he told them I was his niece who sneaked into his truck because she wanted to go on adventure. They asked me if it was true and I told them it was. It was a pathetic lie but it worked, but that was because the people just don't cared. it took us 1,5 week to ride to volterra and it was the most awesome time of my life. It felt like a real adventure and Paulo was always nice and funny. he tried to teach me some Italian and I was a quick study. When we finally arrived in volterra we delivered the cargo and went to his house, or at least that's what I thought._

_"Is this your house?"_

_"No it's not mine"_

_"Who's is it then?" I asked curious._

_"You'll see" Paulo smiled and rang the doorbell. The house was small but cute, I liked it. An old woman opened the door and smiled when she saw Paulo, she threw her arms around him and said things that I didn't understood. Paulo smiled at me and said that I should follow him. I walked after him to the livingroom and sat down on the couch. again they said something that I couldn't understand. Then they finally switched to English._

_"mother this is Aliceïnde, Aliceïnde this is my mother Josephine Cera"_

_"It's nice to meet you Allïssinde" The old woman smiled, she spoke with a very very very hard to miss accent._

_"It's also nice to meet you miss Cera" I smiled._

_then the day passed really quickly, police came and started to ask all sort of questions. I was tired and crawled away in a corner to get some sleep, away from all those stupid policepeople. That night I had a horrible nightmare, there was fire and blood so much blood. Screaming I woke up, I found myself in a old muff bed. The room was dark, enough place for monsters to hide. So I screamed again, wrapping my arms around myself._

_"Mommy" I cried, wishing she was here, she could make anything right.. Then suddenly the door shot open and with tears in my eyes I stared at the woman who walked in. She was holding a candle, which caused that scary shadows played on her face. I let out a small squeak and hugged my knees._

_"Now now what's the trouble?" Her friendly voice asked when she came to sit with me._

_"I'm scared" I whispered while I started to cry even harder. The old woman wrapped her arms around me._

_"what are you afraid off then?"_

_"I don't know, monsters I think"_

_"There aren't any monsters here, I scared them all away, secretly I'm a monster slayer but that's just out little secret"_

_"really?"_

_"Really"_

_"but you're old"I giggled, imagining the older woman with a sword in her hands._

_"I'm not that old" She protested while she gave me a gentle push. I looked up staring right in her chocolate brown eyes._

_"I like you" I mumbled when I yawned, she kissed my forehead._

_"I like you too, but now you should get some sleep huh?"_

_"But I'm scared, I don't want to sleep alone. Huggybear used to sleep with me and protected me but my daddy burned it" I said while I tried to swallow the big lump in my throat. I shouldn't think about the past anymore.. Miss Cera crawled underneath the blankets and when her cold feet touched mine I squeaked once again. She just grinned and petted my head._

_"Now get some sleep, I'll protect you tonight okay?" I nodded and closed my eyes, within 5 minutes I was asleep._

_I woke up from the sun that shined through the window and right in my eyes. We didn't had so many sun in forks. I jumped out of bed and ran towards the window, when my eyes finally adjusted to the light a smile lit my face. I loved volterra! It was so beautiful, the sun was shining the people seemed so happy. And it smelled nice.. No wait that smell come from downstairs. I turned around ready to run downstairs when something caught my eye. Before the door there was a present.. Right before the door so I wouldn't miss it. I smiled and grabbed it, unwrapping it in seconds. When I saw what it was my eyes filled with tears. It was a new huggybear! even more beautiful then the old one. I hugged it and happily walked downstairs. When I entered the kitchen and two friendly brown eyes drilled in mine I knew I had found my place, for now.  
_

_-_

**AJ's POV**

_present time._

"Miss Cera.." I whispered while I stared in the bloody red eyes.

**Seth's POV**

I recognized the woman, it was the old woman AJ had lived with. This was just cruel, I saw AJ stare at her with big eyes. This was the last drop, AJ totally broke down. I guessed she could have the physical pains, but this was just pure mental torture. her pale face turned even whiter, tears rolled over her cheeks and then she started to scream. She screamed and after that she loudly started to sob, her arms wrapped around her knees, her face hid after them. Every sob felt like my heart was cut out, pierced on a stick and was roasted above a fire.

"AJ!" I screamed while banging on the shield, I just needed to get to her. She needed me right now, she needed me.

"AJ!, AJ!, I'M COMING" I screamed while I kept hitting the wall with my fists. I heard how one knuckle broke, but it wasn't important now, so wasn't the blood that dripped over my hands on the ground. I needed to get to AJ, hold her. Tell her I was there for her, Tell her I was going to take her home.

"SETH STOP IT" Edward growled while he grabbed me, but I didn't wanted to stop I needed to get to AJ she needed me!, and besides you didn't knew what they were going to do with her now, they could kill her!

"They aren't planning to kill them" Edward growled again and I finally stopped hitting the wall.

"They see them as prices, if we win this we can have them. But if we don't well then they will kill them because then they have other toys" Edward sighted and Bella wrapped one arm around him.

Toys, more we weren't to them, they didn't saw us as people with feelings but just as threats, threats off which you could make toys. that was just a horrible thought. Aro made a gesture to the two guards and they took Miss Cera back to where they came from. Poor AJ, this was really pure hell for her. AJ was still sobbing, but crawled into a dark corner now. Her body was shocking because of the intensity of the crying.

AJ...

"Now bring the lunch!" Aro clapped in his hands, but instead of more then hundred people which I expected only one was dragged in. Aro nodded to Alec and Alec used his gifts on the young man who was terrified. Edward next to me growled and it was his time to hit the wall now. But it still didn't worked and Bella pulled him back. The yound man around his twenty's was lying still on the floor. He was still breathing but that was all he was doing.

"We can't let this happen right?" I begged, hoping someone would know a way in.. But there was just nothing we could do. We just had too wait. Then Renesmee was dragged in, I heard jacob growl when he saw how his imprint was treated. Well Renesmee at least looked alive, You couldn't say that off AJ. When Renesmee was thrown into the room and landed on her knees she glanced up to Aro with.. bloodyred eyes. She stared at the man who was lying next to Aro and she didn't even needed approval she just jumped and ripped his neck open. I turned my eyes the other way, just like the rest. we didn't had too see this. When she was well done.. Aro clapped in his hands and Elaine nodded. the wall slowly disappeared and we came in view. Renesmee's eyes got as big as dinner plates, immediately she turned her eyes away. Afraid, ashamed to look at us. Jacob, Bella and Edward stormed towards her, and Sam and I ran towards AJ. I slided down in my knees next to her.

"AJ..?" but she didn't responded. She stopped sobbing now, but now she didn't do anything.. I shook her shoulders softly, trying not to hurt her. But she still didn't responded.

"AJ honey, look at me" Sam tried, but still no response. Sam slowly pushed away her arms, and what I saw scared the heck out me. She was still alive, I knew that because her heart was beating.. but that was all. Her eyes.. were dead. There was no sparkle, no colour anymore,the intelligence behind it was gone. Everything was gone.

"Aj.." I whispered.

But AJ wasn't here anymore. What I was holding in my arms was just an empty shell.. AJ was hidden somewhere in it.

"SAM, SETH!" Alice shouted and right in time we could avoid some snapping vampire jaws. We both growled and transformed, I glanced over to AJ but there still wasn't a change. Poor AJ. Then I concentrated on the fight and ripped the one after another to get rid off my anger a little bit, but it didn't worked. Together with the pack we were a perfect combination. Bella protected us against all sorts of gifts, so we could concentrate on the fights itself. When there was only a handful left together with Aro, Jane and Alec. Edward jumped forward and snapped off Jane's head. Bella did the same with Alec's. We just had way more people, friends of the cullens came from anywhere to help them. Carlisle stepped forward and faced Aro.

"It's over Aro"

"No- No it's can't be, I'm to powerful _you_ can't defeat me!"

Carlisle just sighted and mumbled something only Aro could hear.

"I'm sorry my friend you just gone too far" Carlisle said with regret in his voice. Then he and the rest of the Cullens grabbed him, it was over. we dragged all the body's to the fire and burned them. it was still a lot of work because there were a lot of body's. Everytime that I passed her I shot a worried glance to AJ. She just sat there without even moving, I sighted and turned away my eyes. It hurt just looking at her.. Then suddenly the room fell silence and everyone turned around, myself included. Two other vampires walked in. Marcus and Caius. Carlisle nodded too them and reached out to the throne. They walked to it and scanned over the room.

"My dear friends" Caius spoke.

"What happened here is just horrible, I can't say how much regret I have to let this ever happen. I'm grateful to the cullens and all their friends to free the Volturi of such an evil psychopath. I promise we will restore the Volturi in it's old glory!, To lead it over the path of justice, Just like the old times. Like it should What happened now will never ever happen again. I'll promise you that"

Everyone cheered and sighted of relief. I turned around so I could finally take AJ in my arms and could go home. I saw how Miss Cera was lying in the flames next to me, I didn't wanted AJ to see that, _she had enough_. I would take her and get out of here.

but there was a problem....

_AJ wasn't there._

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_If I were you, I would review!  
_

_And I want to thank the people who did review the last time, it was really nice to see that you really like my story. _

_so thank you!   
_


	12. the last night

_Just reminding you how bad you want to review. _

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**Seth's POV**

"AJ..?!"

Goddammit, where did that girl wandered off too. I could understand that this was just too much for her, but wandering of her in her condition was just stupid, and dangerous.

"AJ?" I shouted again while I searched the room with my eyes. I didn't saw her blond hairs anywhere.

"AJ!" Sam who joined me, turned pale. I knew what he thought, it was just so cruel. We just found her and now we already lost her again. We searched the room like crazy but we didn't found her, we couldn't track her smell either. There were just to many vampires to get a clear smell. I walked towards Renesmee, Edward, Bella, Jacob and Carlisle.

"oh my god I'm so sorry" Renesmee sobbed. Jake pulled her in his arms comforting her, but no one told her it was okay. Because it wasn't, we saw how she killed that man. And that just wan't something you could forget easily. And she knew, which made it even worse. Carlisle turned around and stood up.

"I'll check AJ out now" He nodded but I shook my head.

"She's gone"

"What do you mean,_ Is she dead_?" Renesmee screamed.

"No we can't find her"

"What!" Renesmee suddenly jumped on her feet totally stressed.

"We have to find her, we have too we have too"

"We're going to find her Ness don't worry"Jake nodded.

"No, No you don't understand. It's all my fault she is looking this way, she's hurt this way.. you see every time I did something wrong she took the blame for it and they tortured her. Ohh god they tortured her so badly, it was just a game to them. You see we have to find her, I owe her that"

"We owe her that" Jacob nodded and we splitted up, we checked to whole Volturi. every single room, but there was just no AJ. We gathered in the main hall again but no one had a clue.

"Maybe she went back to her old house, it isn't far from here" Sam thought out loud. I nodded it was worth a shot. Thank god it was already dark outside because I didn't remembered the way in Volterra. Carlisle who spend here loads of years did ofcourse. We ran the whole way and when we finally came there the house was dark from the inside. But that ment nothing, Jasper who was pretty good in breaking in opened the door for us and we stormed in. Everyone spread and I ran upstairs. I opened all doors but there still wasn't a sound of a beating heart. Everything was dusty and there was no sign that someone had been here.

"Goddammit!" I screamed while I kicked against the nearest door, with a loud crack my foot went through the thin wood. Furious I pulled it back, molesting the whole door while doing it. I stared at the broken door that was lying before my feet, it wasn't enough so I repeated the same story with the next door. I didn't know what to do anymore, I didn't know where to search anymore. And in all this time.. so many things could have happened to her. Maybe she was already dead, maybe her heart already stopped beating. Maybe she was lying somewhere in a cold narrow ally surrounded by darkness and loneliness. I screamed frustrated and walked downstairs again.

"Maybe the hospital?" Renesmee suggest.

"Hmm I don't really think so" Carlisle shook his head.

"After all AJ still is a werewolf, she knows that it would give a load of questions if she showed up there"

"Yeah true, but did you see how she looked like?, we don't have to forget AJ is desperate and if I was her pain killing would be my first priority right now" Sam sighted feeling hopeless, just like me.

"Good we'll split up, Edward, Jasper and Renesmee you go to the hospital. Emmet, Rosalie, Esmee and Alice you check the rest of the grounds near the Volturi. Seth, Sam and I will do the industrial terrain."

Everyone nodded and ran of again. we searched through abanded industry buildings, but we found nothing.

"I don't think she's here" Sam sighted.

"She's here" I suddenly said confident. I could feel it.

**AJ's POV**

an other hand off pills, an other sip of brandy. I could barely lift my arms so I made it a big sip. I stared at the pot of pills, it wasn't bigger then my finger. But it was filled with pills, enough pills. Ohh what the heck I thought by myself while I shook them all on my hand. I swallowed them with an other sip of brandy. It burned in my throat but I didn't really mind. there were just a few sips left in the bottle, I figured I could make it one big sip. My mind wandered off to Seth, I shook my head. I read somewhere there were 2 or 3 soulmates for anyone. So he would find an other, a person without problems, A person he didn't had to comfort everynight because she was terrified because of the nightmares that teased her. No he needed someone better then me, besides _I wasn't worth it_ anyway right?, so why just not kill myself in peace. With me myself and I. The only person I could trust. I promised myself that I wouldn't love anyone ever again, not that I was going to survive this, But I didn't wanted to get hurt anymore. I had enough. I reached out for the bottle but I couldn't grab it, he just seemed to remove itself further and further away from me. I frowned, stupid bottle. Stupid world, stupid everything. I closed my eyes while everything spun around me, everything seemed to change colour every minute. My heart hurt, but I knew that was good. My body told me it was only a matter of seconds before it would give up. Give up.. just like I did. Then I could finally be free, no more feelings, _no more hurt_, no more guild, _no more love._

**Seth's POV.**

"AJ GODDAMMIT OPEN THIS DOOR" I shouted while I threw myself against it again. there was a crack, but it wasn't _the_ crack. The door still didn't opened. We tried again and finally the thick steel door jumped out of its joints. I pushed it away and stormed in the room. She didn't even looked up, she was so far gone.. Her eyes were closed, her body which looked like a sack of bones was trembling. She was so skinny it was just scary. The sweat drops on her forehead glinstered when they came in contact with the bare light. Her lips were purple, together with a shade of blue mixed in it. A almost empty bottle of brandy was lying next to her. Goddammit AJ why? I quickly knelt down next to her, but before I could do anything Carlisle pushed me away. he quickly inspected her, checked her heartbeat, her eyes, and when he grabbed her hand she dropped something. It was an empty pot, well almost empty. There were two pills sticked to the inside off it, when I warned Carlisle I saw how his face hardened. Sam picked up the pot of the ground.

"XTC?"

"No she wouldn't.." He mumbled to himself with big scared eyes. His terrified eyes watched AJ.

"She just tried to kill her pain a little, give her a break" I growled defending her.

"Seth..." Sam looked at me with hollow eyes.

"She tried to OD herself"

"No that's not true" I growled, I just couldn't believe she would try to take an overdose. it was just all a misunderstanding. Suddenly I felt really scared as I watched Carlisle work. He injected some Adrenaline in her arm. I could hear her heart beat faster after that. Then he gestured we needed to step back, we did and he stuck his finger in her throat. The next second she threw up, and if Carlisle wouldn't have grabbed her she wouldn't even had the strength to get up and she would have fell in her own vomit. Her eyes fluttered open for a second but she closed them immediately.

"Call edward, tell him he needs to ask Caius for a plane with all medical supply he can get, tell him it's urgent" carlisle shouted while he threw his cellphone to Sam. Sam nodded and dialed Edwards number. I heard him talk.. but it seemed so far away. An overdose, she didn't wanted to live anymore did she?. I broke her down when I lied to her, when I said she wasn't worth it. I lied because I was so angry, it just was so much at once. It wasn't her fault, she didn't deserved this, this was all my fault. Ohh god what had I done? I almost killed the girl which I loved so damn much. I completely broke her from the inside and outside.

"Seth come here and hold her still" carlisle ripped me out off my own thoughts. I nodded and knelt down beside her once again. I held her emaciated shoulders, carefully afraid to break something.

"Talk to her, she needs to stay aware" Carlisle said without even looked at me, he was treating her worst wounds now. Talk to her? what the hell was I supposed to say?, it was practically my fault she was lying here! I bit my lip until I tasted blood. I needed to keep thinking straight, I owed it to AJ. I needed to save her, she deserved that.

"AJ..."

"Listen to me, this is never going to happen again. This is the last night you'll ever spend alone. I'll be everywhere I want me to be in the future, I'll be everything that you need me to be, that you want me to be. I'll wrap you in my arms and never ever will let you go, I'll protect you against everything, making sure you won't get hurt ever again. I won't let you say goodbye AJ, it's just not your time yet. I just won't let you say goodbye, and damn I'll be your fucking reason why AJ. I love you, and i'm so goddam sorry that I've hurt you. You need to wake up, you need to look me in the eyes so I know you know. AJ I'm begging you please.."

But her eyes didn't opened.

"Remember the day we first met AJ, it was such a beautiful day. It was snowing remember?, and I could see in your eyes that you loved the snow so much. Probably because it doesn't snow in Volterra huh?. But you were so beautiful when the snowflakes fell in your beautiful hair. You were wearing that black jeans with your brown boots, and you were wearing your grey coat with that long black scarf remember?. and then we sat down on the old tree next to Emily's and Sam's house and you were smoking. And then i just wanted to touch you so badly, so I made up a story that there was a snowflake remember?, and that was the first time we kissed, I can still recall it so easily. You tasted like tobaco and cherries. You smelled like cherries too, and to knacked pine tree leaves."

"Or the first time we made love, do you remember that?, it was the first time that I saw you truly shine. Remember what you told me afterwards? You said; you're not the first person I had sex with, but you were the first person I made love with. Come on Aj you have to wake up, we still have a whole future together!."

**AJ's POV**

were was I? I wondered while I frowned my eyebrows. I knew this place it was my old room in forks. I recognized the power ranger posters and the plushy collection against the window. Small clothes where lying on the floor. My eye caught myself in the mirror. Damn I looked horrible, my face was completely pale except the skin around my eyes, those parts turned red, and my lips turned some kind of purple. the bruises on my cheek were mixed in yellow, blue and black. My arms were covered in bruises and cuts. So was the rest of my body to be honest. My bones almost ripped through my skin, so skinny was I. I shook my head and walked out of the room, I got a little scared of myself to be honest. I walked down the stairs, softly touching the pictures on the wall. Pictures of a happy family, without a daughter who was a freak. Just a happy girl with a caring, loving, happy mom and dad. I shook my head again, telling myself for the thousand time that it wasn't my fault. Miss Cera, the only one who I trusted my secret too, told me that it wasn't my fault. She helped me to get over it, _a little_. I shook my head again and walked downstairs, following the sound of voices. When I walked in the livingroom I saw myself and my dad. I was still little around eight years old. I knew this scene because I ran it through so many times in my nightmares. I wanted to grab the little me and get her out of here, protect her for what was coming. But my hand just ran right through her,

_"I'm so sorry daddy, I'm soo sorry, what can I do?, daddy what should I do?"_

_"go away and never come back"_

_"daddy... you don't mean that do you?"_

_"You should kill yourself, just like you killed your mom"_

_"Daddy do you really mean that..?"_

_"Yes"_

I could do nothing else then watch. My heart or well the pieces of it that remained where ripped apart once again. He really meant it, he didn't wanted me to live. He hated me. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath. When I opened them again I was at the cullen's house. I also knew this scene because I relived it like hundred times in the times I could sleep.

_"She's not worth it Emmet, we have other things to do now" Carlisle said, but looked at me with such intense hate._

_"Get out" Emmet hissed._

_"No you got to believe me!" I mumbled, it was barely hearable. I glanced over to Seth, but he just stared at me in hate just like the others._

_"Seth.. please" I begged._

_"You heard Emmet" He hissed._

_"Seth.."_

_"Get out AJ, and don't dare to ever come back, now I understand why you thought nobody loved you, you're just not worth it"_

I sighted, the well off tears finally ran dry. I bit my lip, when i turned around. Again I saw myself in the big mirror that was hanging in the hallway of the Cullens. I slowly walked to it and laid my hand on the cold surface. I looked myself in the eyes.

"You're just not worth it" I mumbled while I forced my fist into the cold surface. It spatted in a million pieces.

**"Just not worth it"**

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	13. he said, she said

I'm sorry that I didn't updated in a while guys, but I kinda had my own personal crisis. But anyway here is the new chapter. Please let me know what you think by reviewing!

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**Seth's POV.**

This was just a dream. And when I woke up AJ was lying next to me, snuggeld against me, breathing without a machine. With no drip- feeding stuck in her both arms. I would grab her and pull her against my chest so I could feel her strong heartbeat against mine. She would open her eyes and smile at me with those sleepy eyes. Then I would kiss her good morning and she would push me away and begged me for an other 5 minutes. Yeah that was how it was going to be, I just needed to wake up..

But this wasn't a bad dream. This was reality.

- _And my worst nightmare._

Oh god what did I do to her, why couldn't I just keep my big mouth shut. Why did I had to tell her that she wasn't worth it?, it was the most terrible thing that I could have said. and I did. Stupid stupid idiot! I thought by myself for the hundred time. What the hell was I thinking?. GODDAMMIT I cursed but swallowed the rest when I heard Sam walk in the small room.

"Any changes?" He asked. I shook my head, no changes. She still laid there linked to a breathing machine, and drip feeding in both arms. One filled with blood, the other with transparent liquid. Sometimes her eyes fluttered a little bit, but she never opened them. I wished she did, and I wished she didn't. I didn't know what to say, what could I say?. Jeez AJ I'm sorry for ruining your life, ripping your heart out and threw it away?. I sighted deep, sucking my lungs full of clean air. We were at the Cullens house now, because Carlisle needed to be there in seconds if something went wrong. I glanced over to sam, He looked tired. He had big black rings under his eyes. He got so much older this last few weeks.

"I just don't understand Seth" He sighted deep, while rubbing his temples.

"I told her she wasn't worth it"

"YOU DID WHAT?"

"I told her she wasn't worth it"

"Why the hell would you do that?, what were you thinking!" Sam screamed while he grabbed my jacket and slammed me into the wall.

"So this is all your fault?, it's your fault that she is lying here?"

I bit my tongue.

I heard how my jaw snapped when his fist hit it, I fell on the floor but didn't even tried to fight back. I think the only reason why he didn't beat me dead was because Emmet en Jasper grabbed him.

"GET OUT!" he screamed, and numb I walked out of the room. He was right, it was my fault. My own stupid fault. I if hadn't been me I would have killed myself already. slowly I walked home where mom was waiting for me. Mom was getting much better by the day, she already was baking cookies and doing the household again.

"Hi mom"

"Hi hunny, how is she?" She asked smiling while turning out the tv. I but my lip and stared at the ceiling.

"The same" I mumbled

"Still no improvement?" She said while she walked towards me and wrapped her arms around me. I shook my head and laid my head against her shoulder.

"I can do this anymore mom" I said while I forced my tears back, I never cried. But now I totally broke down. I was hopeless, I was scared for what was coming. I didn't wanted to loose her, I didn't want to loose my AJ. She was my everything, my sunshine on a rainy day, just my everything.. I stared at the christmas tree, which date was it anyway? I completly lost sense off time the last few weeks

"Mom which day is it?"

"28 december hunny"

almost new year.. Well this was gonna be one heck of a start for the new year. Damn. I hoped I could celebrate that day with her, counting off the seconds and then when the firework started I would have taken her outside, got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. I already got it figured out in my head weeks ago, I even bought a ring. Even though she was only 16, almost 17, and I was 18. I just wanted to do something that would tell her how much I loved her and how bad I wanted that she would be mine for always. But I guessed it was too late now.

**AJ's POV.**

Slowly I opened my eyes. A horrible feeling made master of me, I was feeling so sick to my stomach and my head felt like it was slammed against the wall for at least thousand times. Then there was the burning pain in my back and shoulders.

"Aj.. can you hear me?" A voice asked way to loud, It hurt in my head and I shook my head in protest. I tried to sit up while I scanned the room. Carlisle was bend over me and shined with a flashlight in my eyes. I blinked in protest and tried to tell him that he needed to fuck off, but there just came no sound out of my throat. Great just great. I also noticed Sam and Emily sitting next to the bed watching me. No Seth.. He wasn't here. I closed my eyes again. Guess I just really wasn't worth it.

**Seth's POV.**

"Ness, I need to talk to you!" I screamed while I stormed into her room. If i had payed more attention to the sounds that were coming from the room, I probably first knocked. I quickly closed my eyes and tried to get the picture of Jacob and Renesmee making love out of my head.

"never mind" I mumbled while I turned around and closed the door. I walked downstairs where I caught up with Carlisle.

"Seth, I was just planning to call you can you please come with me for a second?"

I nodded and followed him to his office. When I walked in I noticed an other vampire. His eyes were the first thing that I noticed. They were bloody red, like with all the humanblood sucking vampires. His face was perfectly shaped, even though his nose was a little bit too long. His brown hairs were long, longer then AJ's. He wasn't really broad shouldered but that meant nothing.

"Seth this is Jack Krüser" Carlisle introduced me, I offered him a hand and with unexpected calmness he shook it.

"Jack this is Seth Clearwater"

"The imprint?"

"Yes the imprint"

"Seth please sit down" carlisle gestured to one of the chairs, and I sat down. Somehow I knew I didn't liked what was coming.

"Jack isn't here for just a friendly visit" Carlisle started.

"I asked him to come because Jack had a rather interesting gift"

I nodded, waiting for what was coming.

"Jack can erase memories"

That was great news!, but I knew this couldn't be so great as it sounded. That was just impossible, I was to big for fairytales.

"AJ is get worse Seth, she woke up once but she slipped back in her coma right away, and well I don't really know how to put this, but she isn't going to make it this way. She won't even last a week. Our only hope is when she changes in a werewolf the healing proces would go 64% quicker. But like you and I both know. AJ doesn't want to change, and to be honest I don't think that there is someone who could convince her now. She doesn't want to live anymore, and who can blame her?,the poor child has been through so much already, and she is only 16. So if we let Jack erase her memory she won't remember anything Seth, she would be easy to persuade and she would change in a minute. she'll live. Only there is a catch.. Like I already said she won't remember anything. That means she won't remember you, but that isn't the worst thing. Because she can't remember anything she won't remember who she is, The events that created her personality. There is a chance that she won't be the AJ you know anymore. She could act real different, like different things.."

"But she will get a whole new fresh start right?" I asked. Carlisle nodded, and I bit my lip. She deserved this, a fresh start. And besides I would love her anyway, she would always be my imprint.

"But there is a really big chance she won't be your imprint anymore Seth, Or you won't be hers anymore. That is something you need to consider. We already talked to sam and he agreed. But do you?"

There was a chance that I wouldn't be her imprint anymore, or she wouldn't be mine anymore?. I bit my lips even harder and it started to bleed,. I shook my head, I already hurt her so much, she was so damaged from the inside. If she could start all over, have a fresh start.. that was just a great chance for her. I shouldn't be so selfish and ignore that voice in my head that screamed NO. She wouldn't remember me, wouldn't remember our moments together.. but she wouldn't be hurt anymore. I loved her so much there was only one option. I needed to grant her this, even if I wouldn't be her imprint anymore. I would slowly let go off her and let her live her new life. She deserved that.

_"Yes"_

But before Carlisle or Jack could reply Sam stormed into the room.

"carlisle she's awake again"

everyone jumped up and ran to the emergency room where she was lying. I was there first, I saw her stare at me with cold eyes. I could see that carlisle was right, the rings under her eyes were gettin' bigger and bigger. Her gaunted body was shaking and the bruises weren't decreased for even a millimeter. Her eyes which used to be the eyes of a fighter were hollow and hopeless. She still needed help from that stupid machine to breath, and the drip feeding to stay hydrated. I couldn't wait to see her smile again.. It was all going to be okay now.. for her then. I knew if I wouldn't be her imprint anymore I would shrivel up, but that didn't matter. I just wanted her to be happy.

"AJ can you hear me?" Carlisle asked while he checked her. She nodded, it was barely noticeable. But she nodded.

"Okay, listen AJ I'll get to the point quickly before you'll slip away again. Aj this is Jack." Carlisle pointed to the vampire.

"Jack has the ability to erase memories and we decited that it would be better for you to erase yours, so you can start all over again"

"You'll can start all over AJ, what do you think, wouldn't that be great?" Carlisle asked. AJ slowly lifted her hand.. She took the mouth cap and pulled it off. When she spoke her voice was raspy and squeeky. But still everyone could hear her clearly.

_"No"_

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_Don't you dare to forget your review! haha. _


	14. new years eve

**Hello my dear loyal readers:)**

**an other chapter, I know it's a bit short but well I'm kinda really busy, but anyway I hope you like it, and don't forget to review huh?**

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_"eight years earlier._

**Seth's POV**

_"I loveee fireworks" She smiled while we sat down in the wet grass. Her eyes sparkled, and the big wide grin on her face made me feel warm from the inside. A satisfied smile played on my lips, Everything was how it was supposed to be. Everything was just perfect._

_"Yeah so do I" I smiled, while I stared at her. She didn't had any interest in me now, she just stared up to the pretty fireworks. Silver, green en purple reflected in her green eyes. Then suddenly she turned her head towards me and quickly I glanced up to the sky._

_"why were you staring at me?"_

_"I wasn't"_

_"You were"_

_"No I wasn't"_

_"there's something on my cheek again huh, just like that time when we went to school and you didn't told me and you just laughed the whole time. and when we arrived at school everyone was laughing at me." She said while she frowned and she pouted._

_"No there isn't anything on her head"_

_"And in my hair?"_

_"There is nothing in your hair"_

_But she wasn't listening anymore. She already was staring to the sky again, I loved to see her so happy. It made me feel good, happy you know. You just get good vibes of happy people. Then she turned around and punched me on the shoulder. Even though she was smaller then me, younger and a girl. it quite hurt, so I quickly rubbed it._

_"Why the hell did you do that for?"_

_"You stared at me again" She pouted._

_"No i wasn't!"_

_"Look up, your missing all the pretty fireworks" She sighted while she laid down in the cold grass. I shook my head and laid down next to her. She was really an awkward girl, I could remember that day when there was toothpaste on her cheek and we went to school. I saw it but I was still pissed at her so I didn't said it. Everyone laughed at her, and Bill called her toothpaste head. And instead of crying like most girls would do she jumped right on top of him and hit him right on the face. Then he got so mad he started to beat her up, but Aj was a good match for him. That what I liked about her, her thoroughness, her intelligence and her stubbornness._

-- present time.

**Seth's POV**

"Why does she have to be so stubborn?" I growled while I shook my head. It made no sense, why didn't she just took that chance.

"Mmm she is candy cottoned in intractableness isn't she?" Jack laughed while he took the remote control.

"Yeah stupid stupid girl" I growled back.

"she is kinda cute you know, if she wasn't a werewolf and wasn't injured I would do her" He smiled while he once again changed channel.

"Excuse me?"

"Ohh right and if she wasn't your imprint, sorry mate" He grinned. I just rolled my eyes and sighted, jack was one strange dude.

"I wonder how it's like sex with a werewolf, must be really hot, litterraly" I heard him mumble, but I didn't even answered to it.

"Stupid vampire" I muttered and I heard him laugh when I walked out of the room. Carlisle told us we needed to stay away from AJ so she wouldn't have much stress. Which was better for her, and ofcourse he was right. But now she was awake I wanted to see her, I wanted to talk to her and convince her it was the best thing to just let her erase her memory. Carlisle walked downstairs and when he caught my glance he sighted and let his hand run through his hair.

"I just told Sam, he needed to get home because she needs to rest, he protested really hard and told me that he wouldn't let her alone on new years eve. But I forced him, so what are your arguments?"

"I love her" I whispered.

He sighted deep and rubbed his temples.

"I know but.."

"Please?"

"Alright 5 minutes, but not a second longer"

"Thank you!" I screamed while I already stormed upstairs.

"Ohh and seth?"

I turned around and almost lost balance, I quickly grabbed the banisters to keep standing. Carlisle shook his head while he was watching me, but I was just in a hurry to be alone with her.

"Tell her you love her, because else she isn't going to make it"

For a second I didn't knew what to do, then I just nodded and turned around.

"5 minutes" He screamed after me, when I slowly walked into the room.

"Aj?" I whispered. The room was dark and I barely could see my own hands, When I found the light my eyes needed to blink a few times before the adjusted to the light. My heart stood still for a second when I saw that she wasn't in her bed. But the tubes and cables lead me to the balcony.

"Stupid stupid vampires, stupid stupid werewolves why don't they go and cry for the stupid fucking moon or something, but no ofcourse not, They just need to save my life because they felt so damn guilty. Just wait until I bought garlic.." I heard her mumble against her self. A sad smile played my lips when I stepped at the balcony and when I came in view her eyes grew as big as dinner plates.

"Crap" She cursed while she quickly tried to extinguish her cigarette. She shove it behind a plant, but ofcourse I already saw it. I sat down next to her and she stared at me with cool and thoughtful eyes.

"smoking isn't good for you AJ" I said, jeez what a cliche. Why did I just have to say that?, why couldn't I just say.. I don't know something else?, stupid stupid I was going to ruin it again.

"If you nark me and tell Carlisle I will personally rip all your hairs out of your head put them in your nose and light them until your brain melts" She growled, but her eyes avioded mine. Instead of looking me in the eyes like a normal person would do if they threatened she looked up to the sky. While wringing her hands she muttered something I couldn't hear, but it didn't sounded very nice.

"I will not nark you" I said to get her attention again, she still didn't looked at me. she looked to the right this time.

"Good" She mumbled while she fumbled in her pockets and pulled her packet out. I quickly snatched it away, for a second she blinked and stared at her empty hands with perplex look on her face. Now she just had to look at me, and she did. Furious she stared at me.

"Give it back"

"AJ we need to talk, after you listened to what I have to say you'll get it back"

"Ahh come on, you're a real jerk you know, I'm freaking cold and now you want me to fucking listen to your whine story?"

"Yes"

"No give it back" she growled while she reached out for them. I moved my arm farther backwards and she fell against me, it was our first physical contact since a while. So we both gobbled back a litte bit, her lips turned into a small line and she immediately shot backwards, into the corner again. She couldn't hide the pain when she did that, her facial expression was telling more then thousand words, even though I only saw it for a second. Her face was still emaciated, but she was holding on a mask right now. But her body was just speaking for her, she was acting way thougher then she was feeling. Because of the silence I noticed her quick heartbeat now.

"You're completly exhausted aren't you?"

"No I'm not" She mumbled while she pretended to inspect her nails, the most of them were already gone, she had bitten the most of them.

"Yes you are" I said astonished, she bit her lip. she always did that when she was in a stressing position, it was an old habit. She did it since she got her first teeth I guess. But this sign told me I was right, she was totally exhausted.. and she only walked 10 metres, or maybe less. She was really in a bad condition.. Damn. when her teeth started to chatter and she watched me shamefully I stood up and walked inside again, with curious eyes she followed my every move. I grabbed one off her blankets and threw it to her. She caught it and made a face.

"Now it will get dirty"

I didn't replied, I just knew she didn't wanted to get up when I was around. She didn't wanted me to see how helpless she was, so she stayed outside. And ofcourse because she was so stubborn she wouldn't ever let me carry her inside. She would rather die I guess, so this was the best thing I could do for her. I sat down in front of her again, because the balcony wasn't that big it was the only place I could sit down, but luckily for me it was the best position I could have right now. Because I needed to see her eyes and her face when I was talking to her. I offered her a cigarette and she almost clawed in out of my hands, quickly she lighted it and inhaled deeply. She closed her eyes and I noticed that her hands were shaking lightly, the rest of her body was wrapped into the blanket.

"Come here"

"Wait what?" She asked when she glanced up with scared looking eyes. She immediately withdrew in her corner.

"AJ your freezing"

"But I don't want to go inside already I need some more nicotine" She said while she shook her head.

"You probably will freeze to death"

"well yeah I'm kinda cold, but that doesn't really matter" She smiled while she inhaled again. I shook my head and in one flawless move I lifted her up putted her on my lap and wrapped my arms around her. she completely stiffened and almost dropped her cigarette.

"What are you doing?" She whispered with a scared undertone in her voice.

"I'm keeping you warm"

"But you don't have too... _let me go_" She mumbled while she tried to struggle out of my grib. I just shook my head, even though she couldn't see it, Even though there was a large blanket between us it felt so good to hold her this way. I sniffed up the scent of her hairs, and she well she bit in my arm.

"Ahh" I hissed while I loosened my grip. For her that was the second she could get out and so she did. Or at least she tried, that's when the fireworks started. Because she didn't expected it and got scared up she fell back in my arms again. For a moment she forgot were she was and her eyes filled with purple, green and white.

"Firework"

"It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Yeah it is.."

"AJ.."

"Yeah..?"

"I love you"

So I said it, I finally said it. Right to her face, well to her hairs actually but that wasn't the point. Now she knew that she was worth it, that I wanted her.

"Don't say that Seth, please be quiet I just want to watch the fireworks"

and so we sat there, We didn't talked we just watched the fireworks. We could forget our problems for a while and just enjoy the beauty of the firework. It felt great, and after a while I heard her regular breathing and when I felt how she was totally relaxed I smiled. She fell asleep. Her head was resting against my shoulder and I stroke away the lock of hair that was covering her face. She lightly frowned and mumbled something I couldn't understand. I smiled again and softly lifted her up, I carried her to bed being careful not to pull out any of the tubes that were stuck into her. When she finally laid there I just couldn't resist. I sat down on the edge of the bed and bend down to kiss her. When her warm lips touched mine it felt like heaven, I missed this so much.. Then her eyes shot open and she quickly pushed me away. With big eyes she looked at me and slowly touched her lips. Then she made a fist and hit me in my face. Alright I deserved that..

"Ar.. Are you hurt?" Her voice whispered in my ear.

"No I'm fine" I reassured her.

She hit me again.

"Are you hurt now?" She asked me with wet furious eyes.

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Will they ever get a happy ending?, hmm maybe. Maybe not.

But anyway stay tuned and dont forget to **REVIEW.**

reviews--- happy writer, quick update.

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	15. Just pull the trigger

**Hi guys, listen up. I'm not getting any reviews anymore so I'm can't tell if you like the progress or not.. So please please let me know okay?. **

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**AJ's POV.**

"AJ..." his voice was begging, mine was just harsh compared to his.

"Please just get out" Damn I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. I wanted to kiss him back so badly it hurt. I loved him soo much.. in the time I laid here.. I realized that. I wanted to hate him so badly, that would made it all so much easier. But I just couldn't. he was my soulmate, I just couldn't hate him. Even though I pretended to. I loved him.. I always had.. But I wanted him to be happy, He didn't deserved a broken girl, I couldn't do that to him. Ofcourse he would say that that didn't mattered, but because I was unhappy he would be unhappy. He didn't deserved that, He did so much for me in that short while I knew him.

"AJ i'm so sorry that i've said that, that's what this is all about isn't it?" He whispered. I cringed and let out a soft moan when he hit the sore spot. Ofcourse that was what this was all about, because I realized it was the truth. The hard, cold reality. I stared at the white tiles on the ground. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes because I knew what I would see. _Fear_ of loosing me forever, **regret** because he'd hurt me, **impotence** because he didn't know what to do anymore, and_ hurt_ so much hurt because I was hurting him so badly. But it was for his own sake.

"AJ, I'm so sorry i've said that, Listen to me. You **ARE** worth it, I'll so anything to make you see it. But please just give me a chance" He begged. I cringed again when he spoke.

"Please.." It was my time to beg now.

"Is this is what you really want?, that I let you go?" He spoke sadly.

NO I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME! The voice on the inside screamed, but even though I didn't wanted it I spoke. My lips and tongue moved because I told them too.

"Yes"

He nodded and his face hardened. His skin was livid, but before I could even blink he already had stormed out of the room and slammed the door. The door almost jumped out of it's jolts because of it, But I didn't really cared about that. It was done, it was over. Now I could finally go on with my life, find a place where I wouldn't be a bother to anyone. I would smile and everyone would think I was happy and normal. I would talk about the weather and then my life would slowly tick away. I would find a way to be happy, on my own. I pulled the trigger, it was over. The blow finally came, I wrapped my arms around myself and finally allowed myself to cry. I almost chocked in the sobs,because they were so intense. but I didn't cared. I could just hope this was the right thing to do.

**Seth's POV.**

It was over, she finally said it. She didn't wanted me anymore, I couldn't really blame her it was my own fault. It was the worst thing I could have said to her, but still I just hoped deep inside my heart that she would give me an other chance. But she didn't, it was over. Guess she wasn't the one who wasn't worth it_ but I was_. I slowly walked to the kitchen to walk outside, without anyone noticing. The famous liquor cupboard of the Cullens caught my eyes.. Ahh what the heck, it wasn't like I had anything to loose anyway. So I grabbed a few bottles and walked out. This was going to be one heck of a start of 2010...

--

I woke up on a small meadow, with a gigantic headache. The position of the sun told me it was far over midday. I let out a loud 'ahhh' while I rubbed my temples. I sat up, cursing myself because I needed to patrol today and I had no idea what time it was now. It was my luck that my clothes were lying next to me, So I grabbed them and quickly pulled them on. After that I stood up and stretched out, Because it was still January, well January had just started to be precise.., there was still loads off snow. On the place I laid it totally smelted. it seemed that I rolled a lot because I could fit three times in the melted place. I shook my head and laughed at myself. It was a beautiful sight.. everything was white.. I only could see the prints of my own footsteps. Damn I had been very restless because I even molested my clothes, There were rips on my T-shirt and there was a button on the ground. Next to my head, I picked it up and shook my head, i would ask mom later if she could make it. It was just a button so it won't be such a big deal. It was probably from my coat or something. I headed home to get a snack and prepare for patrol, usually I hated patrol but this time I thanked god for it. I needed patrol, i needed something that kept my focus off.. her. Damn I hoped there was some kind of vampire here somewhere because on this moment I didn't wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

_3 days later_.

**AJ's POV.**

I woke up from a slamming door. Did the cullens had a fight again?, I opened my eyes and rubbed my eyes. I slowly sat up and stretched my arms out. I glanced over to the alarmclock, 10:00 in the morning. Well there goes my debus, too bad.. I closed my eyes for a second, I wasn't really awake yet. And my bed was so nice and cozy.. Maybe I could sleep just a little longer.

"Don't you dare to fall asleep again" A dark voice shook me awake, I think I jumped about 10 metres in the air. It was his voice.. **crap**. My eyes searched the dark room, because I hadn't opened the shutters yet. I found his figure in the darkest corner off the room.

"Seth! what are you doing here?" I asked honestly surprised. He stepped closer to the bed, I noticed he was clamping something in his hand. Fear made master of me when I stared at his fist, He couldn't found that could he?. Goddammit. He opened his hand and showed me a button, I bit my lip but it was barely noticeable in this dark room.

"Looks familliar?"

"No it looks like a button to me, but I haven't saw it before" I lied. He grimaced and softly growled. He was pissed really pissed, and if I were him I would be too.

"Don't you lie to me" He hissed while he crushed the button in his hand.

"Seth stop it you are scaring me" I said while panic rushed through me.

"this is a button of your coat Alliceinde, I know because it's from Amored. A very familiar brand for you isn't it?, I think the most of your clothes or from that brand"

I swallowd, _Crap he did found it._

"So what?" I said, acting cool like there wasn't a problem at all.

"You're not giving in are you?" He hissed. He couldn't prove anything, so no I wasn't.

"I'm not giving in, because nothing happened" I growled.

"Fine!"

"Fine"

and the door slammed shut. I sighted deep, it was my fault he was pissed. But if I told him he would.. No I couldn't tell him.

_- 4 days later._

**Seth's POV**_  
_

I was telling myself everyday that she could go and fuck herself. That I hated her, but I didn't. I loved her, I loved her and I always did. I was sitting on my bed and had just taken a shower, I was drying myself and got dressed. I sighted and fell on my bed, I was really tired. Not because of the long patrols or anything. I was tired of life, Jeez god must hated me. Maybe I was a kind a Aro in my past life or something. Because it just wasn't fair.. why did he gave her to me if it didn't worked out anyway. Then suddenly my cellphone started to ring, I didn't wanted to pick it up. It was jake, or quill or Embry. they would ask me how I felt, _well I felt worse_, but I would say that I was fine. Then then would ask me if I wanted to do something to take my mind of things, _and then I would tell them I wasn't in the mood_. then they would say it was better to not think about her all day, and then I would tell them it wasn't true. I needed to think about her all day because I couldn't be with her whole day. So I needed the memories, the happy ones. Because I just couldn't let her go. My cellphone finally stopped with ringing. I sighted of relief, and closed my eyes. But then it started to ring again, irritated I grabbed it. It could better be important. When I saw the caller-ID my heart froze for a second.

'AJ3'

"AJ?"

"S-seth?" her voice was nervous, shaky and she talked really quick and low. I needed to keep my focus to just understand her.

"Yeah it's me"

"Can we talk..?"

"Are you finally going to tell me why your button was next to my with alcohol filled naked body?" I snarled.

Then she started to cry, and I felt regret immidiattelly. Ofcourse I was curious and pissed, but when I heard her cry it was all no matter anymore.

_"I'll be there in five minutes"_

She had locked herself in her room, but when I knocked she unlocked the door. I opened it and walked into the dark cold room, she closed the door for me, and walked towards the bed. The shutters where closed and the lights were out. She was still sobbing a little bit, I sat down next to her on the bed and waited. It took her a while before she finally talked..

"S-seth?"

"I'm here hunny" I shhhhed her. She started to cry even harder. and I pulled her in my arms even though there was a huge chance that she would reject me. But she didn't, till my surprise she even cried against my shoulder.

"What's going on?" I asked, because I was totally confused.

"Seth i'm so sorry.." She sobbed, but somehow I knew she wasn't talking about our fight.. I grabbed her wrists and forced her to look me straight in the eyes.

"What are you sorry for AJ?"

"don't get to mad at me okay?"

"I can't promise that AJ"

She looked at me with such despaired eyes that I felt indebted to make her a promise that she could hold on too.

"But I can promise you that I won't leave you just like that"

That seemed to make her feel a little better. Her eyes lighted up for just a second, but then that sadness came back again.

"I think.."

"You can tell me"

"I think I'm pregnant.."

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	16. you me and it

**Hi guys, here's part 16 of my story. I hope you like it, and if you do please review because that is really ****motivating. But don't forget, you can be honest in your reviews. Now anyway have fun reading!**

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**SETH's POV.**

"What?" I yelled at her and her green eyes filled with tears again. Immediately I had regret of my eruption and pulled her back in my arms. But jeez this was.. scaring. A baby?, then I was going to be a dad?, I didn't even knew how to be a good dad. This.. this couldn't be real could it. Even though it scared me to death, on the other side it was a beautiful feeling. A baby, a part of AJ and me, that was the most beautiful thing I could have imagine. Visions of a little blond girl who was lying in my arms, or a little boy with brown hairs and her eyes playing football with me. Suddenly a strange aura of peace fell around me, this was going to be okay. It was would all be okay, we would figure this out together. Or excuse me with the three of us.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm never late.. this it the first time in my life" She replied without any emotion in her voice.

"No worry hunny, we'll figure this out. It's going to be okay" I tried to reassure her, when I grabbed her hand and pinched in it.

"I'm going to do an abortion" She said with that same emotionless voice again. She pulled loose and wiped away her tears, she putted up her mask again.. The vulnerable AJ was gone again.

"What NO!" I yelled again, this time her eyes didn't filled with tears, they just hardened.

"You can't do that AJ, there is a baby inside of you!, a part of you and me. A little miracle, you can't take that away from us" I tried, but she just shook her head.

"If you decited that, why did you tell me in the first place?" I growled. She just shrugged her shoulders, and stared at the ground.

"I just thought.. You should know you know.."

"Why AJ?"

"Why what?"

"Why abortion?"

"It's my decision Seth"

"That's not what I asked"

She didn't replied, and I knew I had her. I knew I had her and I wanted a answer.

"Is it because it's a part of_ me_?" I asked softly, not hiding the pain in my words.

"No ofcourse not.."

"What's the point then AJ?"

She still didn't replied but walked to the balcony, I followed her. She pulled the drip-feeding device after her, and sat down. She grabbed the cigarette pack from her coat and lighted one. I sat down next to her and grabbed the cigarette out of her hands. She shot my a furious look when I threw it over the ceiling.

"Don't you dare smoking when our child is still in you" I growled when I also grabbed the whole pack and when I threw them over the ceiling too.

Now that we were sitting in the light I inspected her. She had big dark rings under her eyes, and her skin was pale. She looked abnormal tired, but the bruises and scratches on her arms were healing. But still she evoked commiseration in me. When she noticed I was staring at her she turned away her face and wrapped her arms around herself. On that moment I wondered... if she kept the baby would she even survive?, she looked so.. bad.

"It's because you're afraid you won't make it won't you?" I whispered, and her head spun around so quickly she almost screwed her head of.

"Do you think that?, do you really think I would be so selfish?" She said with her eyes fulled with hurt.

"No ofcourse not, but I'm trying to figure out why you don't want to keep our baby" I said quickly, I didn't wanted to make her upset.

"Because.."

"Never mind it's non of your business anyway" She growled when she stood up. but I grabbed her arm and pulled her down again, forcing her to look at me.

"It is AJ, there's a part of me inside you too" I growled.

Then she started to cry again. She fell down on her knees and started to sob so loudly she almost choked in it, I sighted and pulled her in my arms again.

"Ohh hunny" I sighted while I kissed her hairs.

"Why don't you just tell me?"

"Because you won't understand"

"I'll promise I'll do my best to understand it and that I won't get mad"

So I waited until she would tell me, but she didn't. she just crawled into my arms and listened to my heartbeat. After a while I heard her regular breathing. I shook my head I didn't understood this girl at all.. She was my soulmate but still. she knew I would do anything for her right?, and for the baby. Sure it wasn't going to be easy at first, but our friends and family were going to help us. Maybe it was because she thought she was too young?, Hmm I doubted it.

"Hmm no I don't want to" I heard her mumble in her sleep. I kissed her hairs and shook my head again. I loved this girl so much.. why couldn't she see that?.

"You don't have to" I whispered in her ear and she relaxed again.

"No I'm scared" She cried in her sleep, and cuddled closer against me.

"You don't have to be, I'm here with you AJ. And I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here for you"

"Pinkypromise?"

"Pinkypromise" I whispered. When she was calm again I lifted her up and carried her to bed. I tucked her in, and sat down next to the bed. Like I promised I wouldn't go anywhere. She rolled to her side and frowned, she was really cute when she was asleep. She could tell you whole stories in her sleep and then the next day she just wouldn't remember. And when you asked her about it she would turn red and sustain that she didn't talked in her sleep. But that were the good nights.. She had loads of nightmare nights, where she would wake up screaming and crying. I hated to see her like that, but there was nothing I could do about it. I only could hold her tight.. But that was all in the past, I wondered if we would ever sleep in the same bed again. I watched her face, her eyebrows were frowned and her lips were tensed. She looked so tensed.. I stood up and softly carresed her cheek. It seemed to help a little bit.. I wanted her to finally get a good sleep. That would do her good, because she looked horrible. Then I took a decision and lifted the blankets, I laid down next to her thin body and pulled her against me. Just like the old times. I needed to win her trust again, So i could make her see that a baby wasn't a bad thing.. She sighted and crawled against me. I kissed her forehead and sighted. This was going to be a though mission.. Cuz AJ didn't trusted anyone anymore.

_7 days earlier_.

**AJ's POV.**

Finally fresh air, I sucked it into my lungs. It was cold but i didn't mind, it helped me clear my thoughts. The fresh snow was beautiful and the dark sky filled with fireworks was just perfect. I loved firework, I always had. I stood up, I should go back now, I was out for quite a while now. They would miss me and come looking for me, I didn't wanted that. I didn't wanted to be a problem for anyone anymore. I wanted to be.. Alone wasn't the good word for it. Ofcourse I didn't wanted to be alone, I wanted to be with him. But I just couldn't hurt him anymore. That was just not fair. I managed to stand up and wanted to walk back. There was only one problem, I didn't knew what direction I needed to go. I started to track my own footsteps, but after a while I couldn't see them anymore. I searched and searched until I finally found prints again. I followed them, I was so concentrated on the ground that I didn't even looked where I was walking. I walked onto a small meadow, which I did recognized. Thank god!, I knew where I was!. But.. I haven't been her tonight.. so the footsteps I was following weren't mine. But what idiot would go out tonight?. Then I saw him, Ofcourse. He would.. What a cruel twist of fate this was. He wat sitting in the snow, which already melted because of the heat he was radiating. There were lying bottles of booze everywhere and I could smell the alcohol from here. So much alcohol.. I should go and check if he didn't poisend himself. So softly and nervous I walked towards him. He was staring with empty eyes to the sky and didn't even seemed to notice me.

"Seth..?" I whispered while I softly laid my hand on his shoulder. Slowly he turned his head towards me, and with questioning eyes he looked at me. Then when he realized it was me, a spark shot through his eyes.

"AJ.." He mumbled with a double tongue. He was absolutely drunk, but wasn't in live danger. i sighted of relief and turned around, now could I go back to the mansion with a safe feeling. I knew he wouldn't feeze to death, because i could feel the heat already. He was going to be just fine, maybe a hangover but that was everything.

"hou cime toohoo fynt my?" He mumbled his eyes hopeful like a little puppy.

"Well I didn't really came to find you seth, I just accidentally stumbled into you" I said honest. His eyes saddened again and I felt really sorry for him.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked worried and guilty.

"Ho, witout gou I'm hot going to be okay" He said, concentrating on his speaking. I knelt down next to him feeling so guilty.. I cupped his face with my hand and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Seth, this is the best for both of us trust me"

"So gou don't lobe me anymore?"

This was a hard one, but I figured he was to drunk to remember anything tomorrow.

"Ofcourse I still love you Seth, I'll always will but this is really the best"

He didn't replied but just stared at me, and then he hardly putted his lips on mine. It was extraordinary that even though he was so drunk he could aim so good.. and still kiss so good.. For a second I doubted of I should pull back or not. But he wouldn't remember anything tomorrow and then I could enjoy a few more moment with him.. It seemed like a fair deal, it was our last goodbye. So I kissed him back. I let my hands run through his hair and he grabbed my waist and pulled me onto his lap. The heat of his body made me feel well hot. He broke up our kiss and his lips found the way to my neck. My heartbeat went quicker and quicker. i knew this was wrong and I needed to stop this. But it felt so good. I closed my eyes when his warm lips nibbled on my ear.

"seth this isn't right.." I whispered with difficulty.

"I knowh but it fyls right hot?, or do gou want me to stopp?"

Did I wanted him to stop?,

"no" I whispered while I planted a kiss in his neck, he smiled at me and slowly found my lips again, I parted them and his hot tongue found his way to mine. he softly laid me down on my back, on the place there wasn't any snow.

...

Exhausted I cuddled against him and he wrapped his arms around me. I fell asleep in just seconds, listening to his heartbeat. So did he.. When I woke up, I think it was just morning. I quickly got dressed and headed off to the mansion again. I watched over my shoulder to him and a sad feeling made master off me. So slowly I walked back and knelt down next to him. I caressed his cheek and wiped away the hairs that were in front of his eyes.

"goodbye Seth" I mumbled while I kissed his cheek. Then I stood up and walked away.

_5 days later._

I couldn't concentrate on what Sam was saying. I was never over time, this was the first time on my life.. It couldn't be that I was pregnant could it?. That was just impossible. I just told myself that it was over, I finally said goodbye to him. And now.. I was pregnant?. Ohh god no, I knew it was stupid to have sex without protection. And well it was all my fault, because Seth had been so drunk he couldn't even remember a thing. A baby, I never thought about childeren. Not because I didn't wanted to, but I was only sixteen. And besides I couldn't never be such a good mother as my mom was, I could never do what Esmee did, or Sue. I just couldn't do it, I probably would accidentally drown the baby or something.

"What do you think?" Sam smiled.

"Uhh sorry I wasn't here with my thoughts what did you say?" I said apologizing.

"Well I was saying, you can go home in 5 days, so I was thinking about throwing a party, so what do you think?"

"Uhhm sure" I said, again not paying attention again, if I had payed attention I would have said no, because I hated party's. Well party's where I was the center of attention.

"That's great!, I'll go and start to preparations straight away with Emily!" He smiled, and absentminded and nodded.

"Well see you tomorrow sweettie" She said while he kissed my head.

"See you tomorrow uncle sam" I replied automatically.

"Take care, and don't push yourself huh?, It's quite a wonder that you're healing so well, so let's keep it that way!"

"Yeah let's do that" I smiled weakly.

When he closed the door I sighted of relief, it wasn't that I didn't liked uncle sam spending so much time here. It was really sweet of him, but I couldn't keep my attention right now.. Pregnant.. a baby.. It wasn't fair to keep this baby, if I already decided that I wasn't worth it. If I kept the baby I knew Seth would ask me to marry me or something like that. That meant not only Seth but also the baby would have to live with someone who just was a weak stupid crybaby person. Who couldn't even sleep normal because nightmares would rip her nighttime moments apart. _I couldn't do that to them_, I couldn't force them to be unhappy with me. I wouldn't be so selfish.. I swallowed, but the lump in my throat didn't disappeared. I needed to.. I needed to.. abort my baby. No _our_ baby.. that was the hard part. If it was only part of me it would be so much easier. Because I was just pathetic, weak and a terrible person. But Seth.. wasn't. He was perfect sweet caring smart loving.. And our baby would have a part Seth in it too. And that made it so difficult. But still.. It was the best for all of us, Because I couldn't live with myself if I did that to them... But shouldn't he knew?, I mean it's his baby too. But I knew if I told him he would try to talk me out of this. So it was the best to don't tell it...But I wanted it so badly. Maybe if I told him and told him I was going to abort it, he would hate me.. Which made it easier to leave for me. Then he could have his chance at true happiness again. But the poor baby.. I laid a hand on my stomach. I tried to not think about the baby as a human, as a person but I couldn't. I just prayed and hoped it would forgive me for what I was going to do.. I glanced over to the calender. I was 2 days late now, I would wait an other 2 days jus to be sure. then I would tell him...

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**Did you like?, then review. No reviews = unhappy writer :(**


	17. memories medicines and love

**last chapter.. Please review :) **

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**SPOV.**

I stared to the dark ceiling above my head, thinking.. So many things happened.. I needed to let them sink down a bit. AJ slept quietly beside me, crawled up against my chest to be precise. Her heartbeat was quicker then I was used to, probably because she was stressed so much. She was lying on my arm and it was falling asleep.. So I shifted her a little to the side. But I wished I hadn't done that because she woke up. Her green eyes flashed open and scanned through the room anxiously. She always did that when she woke up, just like when she was asleep.. she was always frowning. It was like she was always scared of something, then she glanced up to me. There was guilt in her eyes when she stared at me. There always was lately.. Before I could say something about it Carlisle walked into the room. He switched on the lights and we both blinked while our eyes adjusted to the bright lights.

"It's time for your medicine's Alliceinde" He smiled politly towards us.

AJ didn't even replied, just nodded. But I felt a bubbling feeling caused by fear.

"Carlisle.. " I started.

but before I could finish my sentence AJ grabbed me in the sensitive spot.. you know which one. I gritted my teeth while I tried to keep a groan of pain in, and not shout it out like I wanted to.

"Never mind, Seth already knows the answer if he thinks about it" AJ said before Carlisle could even ask what was on my mind.

"Isn't that right?" She smiled towards me, pure innocence on her face. She raised the pressure when I didn't replied. I gritted my teeth even harder, I wasn't going to loose from this girl. But we should talk this over.. so maybe it was the best to be quiet.. for now. I only wanted to know if those meds weren't dangerous for the baby. I just let out a low growl and narrowed my eyes. It was better if she let Carlisle check up on her.

"Seth can you please wait outside?" Carlisle asked politely.

"What?, why?" I asked. I guess the surprise could be read from my face because AJ turned her eyes from me.

"Because AJ and I have something personal to talk about"

"Fine" I sneered, it was meaner then I meant it to be. But I was sick and tired of all the things I didn't knew about AJ. I stood up, ignoring her staring eyes and walked out, slamming the door so hard the windows almost broke.

**APOV.**

"AJ.." He started when he sat down on my bed.

"I am getting the lecture right?" I said coldly.

"No, not at all. I can understand it AJ. You've been through horrible things. Some even more horrible then I went through, and I am many years older then you. But I didn't wanted to talk to you about your almost overdose dosage everytime-"  
"I know it's wrong Carlisle" I cut him off.

"I know I take too many pills, but I need them. I can't sleep without them, there the only way to make me feel.. okay"

'I know AJ, but you need to reduce it, you'll get addicted this way"

"Yeah then I would be a complete disaster wouldn't I?" I asked sarcastically.

"Still the nightmares?" He asked softly. His golden eyes caring, almost understanding. Jeez I hated that so much, nobody could really understand what I've been trough.

"I'm still trapped there Carlisle.. from the inside I'm still with the Voltari, or with my dad.. it never stops"

"Maybe it's an idea.. to talk to Jack AJ"

"No, it just feels wrong.."

"But maybe it will help, you should think it over once again AJ"

"Mmm"

"I just want to see you happy AJ.. you deserve it so much" He said while he smiled towards me, it was strange but even though I knew him only for a few weeks, and he also said that I wasn't worth it, I liked him. Secretly I wanted someone like him to be my dad. But I was stuck with my super duper dad.

"Sure" I said my voice dropped to - 9 degrees again. I didn't want to talk about being happy.

"Why not?"

I bit my lips, I didn't wanted to have this conversation.

"Well?, why don't you grand yourself a chance of happiness. That boy loves you so much Alliceinde"

I knew that was the tricky part. I wished that he didn't loved me so much, then I wouldn't hurt him that much. I wasn't able to love, or to be loved. Look at what happened to my mother.. my father.. Miss Cera.. look at what's going to happen to our baby.. and that's when I made my decision.

"I'm going to talk to Jack"

**SPOV.**

I couldn't handle this, I hated to feel like an outsider. I sat down on the ground and let my head relax against the cool marble of the hall. It seemed like ages before Carlisle finally walked out off the room.

"Carlisle please tell me what's wrong with her?"

A honest smile played on his lips, before he answered.

"Everything is going to be much better Seth, believe me. Just have faith in her"

I nodded. He could see the agitation in my eyes, but that didn't seemed to care. I believed him. It was going to be okay. He smiled at me and walked downstairs. I sighted and walked in.

"Did you tell him?" I asked hopefully.

"No"

"what did you say to him?"

"None of your business"

"Aj.. " I sighted when I sat down next to her on the bed. Now was the other hard part coming. I needed to talk her out of the abortion.

"Hmm.."

"Tell me which names do you like?" I asked bluntly.

Her eyes grew bigger but instead of getting mad at me she just replied.

"I like Autumn for a girl, Levi for a boy"

"Then why don't keep our own Autumn or Levi AJ?" I whispered trying to keep the eye contact. But she looked away, breaking off our link.

"You wouldn't understand.."

"I'll try AJ, please tell me.. why can't we just start our own little family."

"Because you don't want that Seth.."

"You mean because I think I am to young?, no. I'll fight for this family.. But please give me, us a chance AJ. You don't know how great it can be"

"Seth we already talked this over"

"No we didn't! you just told me your point of view, but I don't have anything to say about it. And it's my baby too AJ, it's a part of me too. "

"Stop it"

"No.. I just want a fair shot"

She just stared at me with a look in her eyes I almost couldn't translate. It was sad.. but there was a glimp of joy in it.

"Give me that shot AJ, let's start all over again.. just you and me and the baby AJ."

I sunk to my knees while my heart raced through my throat. I was sweating and shaking. But somehow I was able to finally squeek out the words

"So I'm asking you AJ, _Marry me_"

She just stared at me with empty hollow eyes.

She just smiled towards me.. but not the smile I wanted to see. This wasn't a happy smile that said; Yes I want to marry you. This was a sad smile that said; I can't, and my heart sunk to my shoes. I blew it, she didn't accepted. She wouldn't stay with me, we wouldn't be able to start a family together..

"You know I can't" She sighted apologizing.

"No I don't know I don't know anything, I want you to talk to me" I said while I grabbed her shoulders and shook her. My eyebrows frowned together when I touched her.. She was warm.. no hot.

"AJ you're burning up, are you running a fever?"

"No I feel fine" She said with a honest face.

I laid my hand on her forehead, but she was really warm. Then I laid my hand on her chest.. a strong and quick heartbeat. How could I be so stupid?, I slapped my own forehead.

"AJ did you change recently?"

She suddenly flushed, and she began tangle her hands together.

"You did" I said and nervous she nodded.

"Why do you ask?" She asked nervously.

"You're not pregnant AJ"

"What?"

I didn't wanted to explain. I was just to tired, I laid down on the bed and buried my face into a pillow. That pregnancy was the only way to keep her with me, Now I knew for sure she would leave.. I felt bitter tears well up. Why?, just why couldn't she just let me love her.

**APOV.**

I softly closed the door.. Not wanting to disturb him. I wasn't pregnant, which was great news. But on the other side.. it was the only reason I was still here. Now it was time to go, for real. But first there was still something to do..

I knocked twice on the big wooden door. It was some kind of door you always see in those movies about the middle ages, and even though somehow the whole house was modern. It still seemed to belong there.. like it could belong everywhere you know. I softly laid my hand on the old wood and followed it's lines with my fingers.

"Come on in " I heard a cheery voice from the other side of the door, forcing me to concentrate again.

Nervously I walked in, I almost tripped over my own feet. I felt my heartbeat so strong I was afraid it was able for anyone to hear.

"So you finally decided huh?" two blood red eyes pierced in mine.

"I..i" I stuttered. En to make it even worse, when I realized I was stuttering I flushed. So now I was standing there with a tomato red head, not able to speak correctly, sweating, and my heart doing overtime.

"Nervous huh?" He grinned showing me his perfect white teeth, when he did that I felt the urge to growl at him. Calm down AJ I told myself, but it didn't really helped. I sucked in some air and inhaled - exhaled slowly. But it didn't worked!, oh god. Calm down calm down. He shove a chair towards me and I accepted it thankfully. I sat down immediately.

"I-i wanted to ask something"

"Sure go ahead cutie" Jack smiled at me, his bloody red eyes scared the hell out of me. So I stared at the ground.

"Can you really erase memories?"

"Yes" I answered simply.

"How?"

"I don't know really how I do it, I just do it"

"Everytime I tried to love people, it went wrong you know. My mom died, my dad hated me and ended up with an alcoholproblem. Miss Cera.. she couldn't even rest in peace. I just don't want that to happen to Seth. He's such a sweet boy, just perfect. He deserves something more then me. I'm just a pathetic girl with to many problems, who brings more despair then happiness."

"So?" Jack said while he inspected his nails.

"Can you erase me from his memory?"

Jack looked me straight in the eye, his mouth opened to say something. But before he could that big wooden door opened and Seth stormed in. With furious eyes he grabbed my wrist and pulled me on my feet. then he pushed me against the wall and slammed his both hands against it. Just inches from my face.. there was no way I could go now. Crap.. He heard?.

"WHAT?" he screamed, and he seemed even angier then that time on Renesmee's party.. he heard.. His face was red with shades of purple, his eyes even though they were narrowed they seemed like they were going to pop out of his head. His warm sensual lips were a small straight line. His hands, no his whole body shook from anger.

"WHAT?" He hissed through his teeth again. I winced, turned my glance down. I disappointed him.. I didn't wanted see that. Not a other disappointment, I just couldn't take it right now.

"Jack please leave" Seth whispered with the most polite voice he could realize. jack who was staring at us amused sighted.

"Ahh to bad, gonna miss the show now" he grinned. But before Seth could hiss something back he was already gone.

"AJ.. Why?" He wispered suddenly all the anger flowded out of his voice, rising depair was climbing in it.

"Seth.." I still didn't look at him, I didn't dared. I was to frightened.

"Be honest AJ"

"I.. You.. It.. It's just not fair Seth, you're such a great person, you shouldn't end up with me. You should up with someone who is even caring as you are, who can sleep without any nightmares, and someone who wants children. Not someone who is afraid to me a mother, because she probably would kill her kid. Make it unhappy for sure. I love you so much seth, I can let you be unhappy because of me. I can't let you be unhappy with me. I'm just not good enough, I'm broken from the inside.. and I don't want you to cut yourself" I mumbled while hot tears rolled over my cheeks. They dripped on my shoes causing a little dark stain.

'Is that were this is all about?" His voice was calmer now, but I could still hear the pain in it.

"Yes."

He cupped my face with his hands and forced me to look in his warm brown eyes. Then he slowly kissed my tears away. I stared at him with big eyes, when he kissed me I softly kissed him back, because I wanted to so bad. It was a soft salt kiss and when we broke up he looked me straigh in the eyes.

"Listen up AJ, I'm going to say this once. You're worth it all, we'll clean up every piece, maybe even glue it. But I never ever want to loose you, you don't make me unhappy. The only thing that makes me unhappy is the fact that you don't tell me anything, don't talk to me, don't let me help clean up. I love you AJ, and I know you've been through a though time, and that's the reason you deserve to be happy, and I can only hope that you'll be happy with me"

"But Seth, I killed my mom" I whispered while the tears welled up again. I started to sob badly and he pulled me into his arms.

"that thought always bugged you didn't it. you weren't able to let go of it. Even though you said you already did" He whispered. It wasn't a question more an assumption. I nodded against his chest and he let his hand run through my hairs. He said nothing, which was just what I needed. I needed him to just listen. And he did, he listened and I told him everything. He held me and I cried against his shoulder. It was 03:00 A.M when we finally were done. He smiled and kissed me. I was tired, so I let my head rest against his chest. He lifted me up and we walked upstairs, it felt nice to feels his warm protective arms around me. He laid me in bed and tukked me in.

'Thank you AJ"

"aren't you going to stay?"

"Do you want that?"

"Yes"

**Seth's POV.**

I woke up with a smile on my face. I stretched my arms and legs and noticed AJ wasn't there. I frowned, she usually didn't woke up before me. Well that didn't happened ever. A uncertain feeling made master of me and I jumped up, I checked the bathroom, but she wasn't there. So I sprinted downstairs and till my relief I saw her blond hairs in the kitchen. She was humming something while she ate her cereals.

"AJ, damn girl you scared the hell out of me, I thought you took of again" I sighted.

She turned around her green eyes sparkled for the first time since a while. her hairs seemed to shine brighter then last night. She seemed so much better, to be honest it was the first time I saw her this way. She was really shining and seemed really happy. My heart made a jump of happiness when she smiled. But.. It was an apologizing smile and she was blushing a little.

"Jeez I'm really sorry.. but do I know you?" She said a little shy.

"Not funny AJ" I hissed.

"No you don't understand, Dokter Carlisle told me I lost my memory.. When I fell down the stairs. so I'm not making a joke. But you seem somehow familiar.. were we close?"

"Yes really close..."

"You seem nice"

"Thank you"

I stared at her for a second not knowing what to do. I knew she didn't fell down the stairs, I wasn't a idiot. She went to see Jack and he erased her memory, but somehow I knew it was better. For her I mean. Now she could live without guilt and fear. Now she just could be happy. And I wouldn't always love her, she knew that.. somehow.

"Hey uhhmm.. let's make a fresh start. My name is Autumn, and they told me you were Seth. So Seth since we were so close will you help me pack my bags?, I'm going home today" She smiled. I smiled back at her and nodded

"Sure, let's go"

She nodded and finished her cereal. Then she walked after me to our room. It was strange she looked still the same.. but she looked lighter, I don't know how I could explain it really.

"Well let's start" I smiled and I grabbed a little red bag that was standing next to the bed.

"Let's see what's this?" I zipped it open, but I wished i didn't. I found all sort of sleeppills, anxiety drugs, muscle relaxants etc.

"Well what is it?" She asked. I started at her, and with a honest curious face she stared back. I walked towards the trashcan and threw the whole bag in.

_"Just something we don't need anymore"_ I smiled. She smiled back brightly and somehow I knew it was going to be alright.

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